The Tale of two cities "OK a village and a city then"

I woke up on Monday after a good nights sleep feeling pretty good, this despite the walk to top of Horeb, the day before …………………. “I am not so unfit after all”. Must say the trip up Horeb was great and something all Clarenites should do …….. “this coming from a person who took nearly 11 years to do the climb”. The Village Grocer had its official opening on Monday at 6pm and there were a number of people who attended, afterwards a few of us hit the Saloon and had a “loop dop” or for those English followers a “walk drink” before heading to bed.

Tuesday was my last full day in Clarens and it was difficult. Started the day at the Artist Café having coffee with Liza and ended it with a few good friends at Friends. It was really difficult saying bye to a number of people as they have meant a lot to me over the years. Also met 3 American who were visiting SA and Clarens, very nice people and I am sure we will keep in touch with them.

Wednesday was up early pack the bike say goodbye to Kath, head up to Mark at the village grocer and then head home to my 2 ladies In PE, I would be lying if I said I did not have a lump in my throat as I headed up main street past the NG Kerk. I think it hit me that this was the last I would see the village and friends that I know so well for a long time when I banked into a long sweeping left hand corner near Clifton farm and Mount Horeb disappeared from my mirrors. The trip itself was long but I took my time and was lucky with the weather, missing rain at Aliwal hitting high winds between Aliwal and the Nico Malan pass, then it was hot with a capital H. always have to be careful going through rural parts as the Suicidal goats and Mad cows can bolt across the road in a split second and if they are not bad enough you also have Kamikaze K’s (you fill in the second part) that being full of the Christmas spirit (literally) like playing chicken with any fast moving vehicle.

The last 100kms seemed to take forever, but just as I had been sad to leave Clarens I was really ecstatic to “see the sea” and know that I would soon be seeing Tania and Gabby. Arrived home at 3.30pm to a fantastic welcome from Tania and Gabby as well as Doug, Nicky, Amber, Ryan, Kirsten Daniel, Rebecca and Michela. It was good to see everyone. I am now officially unemployed …………. so hopefully in the New Year I will find employment. Otherwise I will have to purchase a metal detector and trawl the beach everyday looking for loose change and that elusive gold Rolex that some “arb” tourist has dropped. I also suppose I am no longer the Village Idiot as I no longer live in a village, however apart from the traffic lights, traffic circles, speed humps, traffic jams and the multi story buildings PE is somewhat like a village so perhaps I can become the Large Village Idiot “yeah I like the ring to that”

24th was a day of relaxing, wanted to go to beach but was KaK weather, starting to feel like Xmas as the house is decorated and Tania has done such a great job with the house. Xmas eve dinner was with 13 adults and kids at Ryan’s house, was a nice evening with Ryan doing marinated lamb leg on the Braai. Came home and waited for Santa.

Xmas day woke up at 7 exchanged presents, called or SMS’d my family and a few friends, was “as usual” always good to speak to my mom and dad. I love you guys and hopefully we can spend a Christmas together in a year or two. “I have not spent a Christmas with my folks since I started work in the hospitality industry in 1981” . Was nice watching Amber opening presents on her first Christmas. A book I received for Christmas Tania managed to get the author to sign for me, what is great about that is the author was my best man when Tania and I got married. Nick “wear the snake skin speedo” Tredger wrote a book last year called From “Rhodesia to Mugabe’s Zimbabwe” its about his life as a game ranger in Rhodesia and Zimbabwe, before mad Bob, “who was then really only mildly nuts” It’s a definite must read and hopefully we will get to see Nick and his lovely wife Jan in the new year. In the afternoon Ryan and family came over and we opened presents again, so Xmas was pretty Lekker this year, apart for the fact my folks and family could not be with us.

Watched a couple of the original Star Wars movies on Xmas day and had to laugh when I saw the Imperial Storm Troopers, as it reminded me of Kelvin’s back brace that he had to wear this year after he had a Piquet junior flashback and to miss a “possum” crashed his car and ploughed a local farmers field. In True Clarens fashion every time he walked into friends we would all hum the Star Wars theme song….”that’s what friends are for” J and of course you know the old joke with Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker (original name for a star ship pilot)……….. They are fighting with the coloured fluorescent tube swords and Lord Vader keeps telling Luke he knows what he is getting for Xmas…………….Luke ignores it at first but eventually says to Darth ………”so how do you know”? and Darth answers …..”Because I can feel your Presence”

As you can see from the photo our N.S.A neighbours had a novel way of preparing their meat for a sheep braai.

Now while I may be pining for Clarens one thing I do enjoy about PE is that on boxing day you can head for the cricket ground and watch the local team ‘the Warriors” take on The Highveld Lions in a 40 / 40 match. Keith, Ryan , Doug and I were going to pay for tickets and some dude asked if we would like tickets to which we replied yes and he gave us 4 tickets for the game ……….. “good start” We then got a free Warriors flag each. Looking for somewhere to sit we saw a couple with Lions shirts on and decided to sit in front of them, ‘lets be honest you have to have someone near you that you can chirp when watching a game” and they looked as good as anyone. Just so happens that they live in PE but there son Alveiro Peterson plays for the Lions and has also played for the Protea’s. To be honest at first I thought he was having us on until his son came on to the field ran across to the security and asked him to and an envelope to his dad. To cut a long story short Doug scored an Original (as worn by Alviero Petersen) Highveld Lions cricket shirt from Isaac, Sylvia was supposed to give me hers but she reneged on the deal. Great people, all in all a great night apart from the fact that the Warriors lost. St Georges is not a good ground for me to watch as all the tams I want to win that I have watched playing there have lost and the one time the team was winning the lights blew up………”go figure” Warriors play Titans on Wednesday in another day/night game so we will probably go watch that.

Also on boxing day visited the Boardwalk casino and entertainment area, where gabby persuaded Doug and I to do the free fall ride, did not look that high until you are up there and when the platform just drops without warning ………………your first thought is “perhaps I should have worn brown jocks”. They also have a rocket ball, which is a metal cage you strap 2 people into and attached to that are large rubber bands, that they stretch to snapping level and then release you ……….0-100 in 1 second with a g force factor of 5, not brave enough that day but perhaps next week. Perhaps we should bring in Meat bomb and he can test it for us J

PE is still on water restrictions with dams at 48% full, so households only allowed 200 litres per day. Must say weather not been that great since I got here either been sunny and blowing a gale or calm but overcast. So not been to the beach yet as either cold or you get your ass sandblasted.

They say that salt air at the coast can rust your car pretty fast, did not really believe it , but look what has happened to our car in just a week…………..pretty bad. “Nah not our car, but a vehicle that is used on a daily basis in the area, what makes this rust bucket so special that is if you look carefully you will see that it has a Gorilla lock on the car to stop someone stealing it…………………….Yes my thoughts exactly “who in their right mind would steal that piece of Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrap”?

It would seem that all “Sefricans” living overseas are not all that dof, here is an article my brother in law in PE sent to me

Expats flock to SA
Article By: Janine Erasmus
Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:02

South Africa is the sixth best country in the world to live in, according to expatriates based here. This was revealed in a massive global survey commissioned by global finance house HSBC Bank International.

The study was conducted by UK-based research company Fresh minds. Results were released in late November 2009. Over 3100 expats, from more than 30 industries and living in 50 countries on four continents, took part in the study earlier in the year.

Titled “Expat Experience”, it sought to determine the challenges people encountered when living and working away from home, and also aimed to differentiate between the expat experience in various countries and on various continents, in comparison with home. In the end 26 countries made the rankings. South Africa came in behind the top five of Canada, Australia, Thailand, Singapore and Bahrain. As an expat favourite it eclipsed highly developed nations such as the US, France, Hong Kong, Germany, Switzerland, Belgium and the UK, as well as other emerging nations including Brazil, Mexico, China and India.

Quality of life

The survey is one of three reports released under HSBC's annual Expat Explorer series of studies. The other two studies are the Expat Economics and Offshore Offspring reports. South Africa was the only African country surveyed for the economics report, where it came 13th out of 26. The results of the Offshore Offspring report, which reveals the best place to raise a family away from home, are due out in early 2010.

The latest survey focused on the expat experience of mingling with local culture and society, and the increase or decrease in quality of life compared to the home country. Expats rated their current locations according to 23 day-to-day criteria, including food, accommodation, entertainment, transport, banking, utilities, healthcare, working hours, family and social life, hobbies, and more.

They were also asked to rate the ease with which they were able to perform a variety of tasks, including finding accommodation for their families and schools for their children, learning the local language, making friends among local and expat communities, and arranging their finances, vehicles, utilities, and other essentials.

Friendly country

In addition to making the top 10 overall, South Africa scored highly in the categories of making local friends (2), organizing schools (3), finding somewhere to live (3), social life (3), quality of life (3), and accommodation (4). South Africa was the top-ranked country for hobbyists, as well as the top country for settling down, beating Thailand and Canada which took 2nd and 3rd place respectively. More than half of those questioned — 55 percent — have lived in South Africa for more than five years.

South Africa was rated among the top nations in terms of the ease with which expats integrated into local society, which covered factors such as setting up their bank accounts, learning the language, and arranging healthcare. According to the report, in most countries new arrivals gravitate towards the expat community when seeking new friends. Notable exceptions are Brazil, where 94 percent of people easily made local friends; followed by South Africa and Canada (both 91 percent); and India and Russia (both 90 percent).

South Africa's worst score was 22 out of 26, in the transport category.

Most affordable

A global survey earlier in the year named Johannesburg as the most affordable city in the world for foreigners. (“Well that is obvious if you are earning 12 or 8 to 1”)

Results of the Cost of Living survey, regarded as the world's most comprehensive study of this type, and were released in March 2009.

This was sent to me by Jeanelle and thought I would put in the Blog, (have you done any of these? If not which ones would you do ?? I personally like 1, 4, 6, 8 and 9)

To Maintain a healthy level of insanity 1. Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice! 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana' 6. With a serious face Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat. 7. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 8. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' 9. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 10. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.
Here is some advice for us men with regards earning brownie points with our ladies.

Over thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed .............................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows....-1
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-2
You leave the toilet seat up................................ .-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............+5
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
in the rain...................................................+8
But return with beer............................ .............-1
And no panty liners........................... ...............-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.....................+1
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.............0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
You pummel it with a six iron...............................+ 10
It's her cat.................................................-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party..........................0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a school Drinking buddy...-2 Named Tiffany......................... .......................-5
Tiffany is a dancer......................... ................-10
With breast implants.......................... ..............-20

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday............................... .....+1
You buy a card and flowers............................... ....+2
You take her out to dinner........................ ..... .....+5
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.........+10
Okay, it is a sports bar............................. ......-10
And it's all-you-can-eat night............................. -20
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team...........................-30

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal............................................... 0
The pal is happily married........................... ..... +1
The pal is single..........................................-10
He drives a Ferrari...................... .................-20
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)................-30

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie............................. .......+2
You take her to a movie she likes...........................+5
You take her to a movie you hate............................+8
You take her to a movie you like............................-5
It's called Death Cop III........................... ......-10
Which features Cyborgs that eat human’s.....................-20
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans......-30

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly.........................-5
You develop a noticeable pot belly & get rid of it.........+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts............................................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."...........-100

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding.........................-10
You reply, "Where?"....................... ........-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".............-100

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression............+1
You listen, for over 30 minutes..........................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience...+50
You have fallen asleep.....................................-200

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk................................................-100
You don't talk..........................................-10
You spend time with her.................................-100
You don't spend time with Her...........................-100
You are seen enjoying yourself....................... ..-100