The Death of Common Sense.........RIP

An Obituary printed in the London Times.....Absolutely Dead Brilliant!!

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- And maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death,
-by his parents, Truth and Trust,
-by his wife, Discretion,
-by his daughter, Responsibility,
-and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers;
- I Know My Rights
- I Want It Now
- Someone Else Is To Blame
- I'm A Victim
- Pay me for Doing Nothing

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Village Idiots go Global

It used to be that Village idiots had an influence of “if they were lucky” a few miles as time went by they managed to increase their sphere of influence. In fact it’s rumored that a Village idiot in Nottingham forest actually invented the “Fox machine” you tied a message to a collar attached to the Fox and sent it to an address that the Fox had no idea where it was, needless to say the original Fox machine was less than successful. Now we are able to influence public opinion from vast distances……………………”Love it “  
Had to take an unexpected trip to Umtata this week to do some training, so I hopped in the car on Thursday afternoon for the 6 hour trip to Umtata. However just before East London I got a call to say Umtata had no electricity so I would have to stay in EL at my favourite guest house Tindale Lodge.

The upside is that I did not have another 240 kms to do that day which meant a leisurely trip but the downside was that I would have to leave “sparrow fart” on Friday morning to get to the venue, “Dans country lodge” some 22kms yonder Umtata itself.
I did manage to take a few photo of scenery of items that I often want to take off, but because I am always in a hurry or the weather is kak, I don’t stop, the weather was great, the traffic was light and better yet the road between Port Alfred and the Fish river was almost pothole free, which makes a pleasant surprise.

The plan was to wake up early and head for Dans, I woke up earlier than expected as it was so hot and humid in East London on Thursday night that I was skinny dipping at 3.30 am, so by 4.15am I was on the road. Trip was uneventful but hit Umtata at early morning “freak show” where you feel like you’re part of a live play station game that  puts the elements of Frogger, Need for speed and the Walking dead  together. Traffic lights mean nothing, stop streets even less,  lines on the road are merely to break up the monotony of a black surface. 

Got to venue, set up and I bump into Jacob Zuma, yep “Mr Nkandla himself” seems he had some official engagements in the area (open a school, kiss babies, shake hands) he and his large security contingents that include a bomb squad member, drug and explosive sniffing dog etc etc. was just sort of mulling around and he came round the corner with a couple of security staff (he was on his way to breakfast after his Dr had tested the food to ensure was safe)…………………paranoid? “me thinks  so”

I think I may have taken the security by surprise as I walked up to JZ stuck out my hand, said “good morning Mr President, I hope that you have a good day” , he shook my hand and said “Steve you and I really need to get together to talk about how I can clean up my act and do better as President”…………. OK he said  “Thank you same to you” . I then immediately stepped back and checked my pants to ensure my wallet and cell phone were still there……………..Just joking I didn’t have my wallet .

Training was meant to start at 8.30, but I had not been told that in that part of the world that they have turned back their clocks by a day, so I started at 9.30 with only half of the delegates (the rest could quite possible be stuck in the traffic in Umtata). Training went well and I then had to drive back to EL. 

Reg number says MAL (Mad) 6  - very apt
Well, all I can say is that if you put an American, Aussie or Pommie traffic Cop in Umtata/Butterworth/Idutwa for a day they would probably commit suicide before their shift is over. I am sure no I am positive) that 80% of those that drive in the former Transkei do not have drivers licence’s and if they do then they bought them. Once you cross the Kei River all rules of the road go out of the window and while going to the venue had been interesting going back to El on a Friday afternoon was an “Experience”
Friday afternoon traffic in that part of the world is like Charge of the light brigade meets fast and furious 1-6, traffic is hectic and it does not help that when you get to Umtata half of the traffic lights don’t work, but then again when they do work the drivers don’t look at what colour is showing. Then from Idutwa there was thick mist which at stages was like driving with a blindfold on due to the fact that many people either don’t have lights or hazards or have “super hero powers” of being able to see through mist add to that anything with legs attempting to outdo each other by running across the road (very much like a live version of Frogger) the mist lasted until 50km past Butterworth. And it  took me 45 minutes to get through Butterworth due to traffic volumes and total lack of regard for traffic rules.

One guy forced his way past me and then not 5 meters past me pulled over to drop of a passenger, another came flying past me a after sitting on my tail for a number of kms and then after they had almost killed themselves, me and 43 schoolchildren playing a game of football on the side of the road then proceeded to drive at 45 kms, until I could get past him.  Needless to say my middle finger was given frequent exercise and my voice was hoarse from voicing my opinion regards people’s heritage and brain capacity. ………………………..Drove back to PE on SAT am , left at 4.30 am and saw an awesome African sunrise.

Seems that Michael Schumacher who was placed in a medical coma, will in fact not come out of it, Medical experts looking after him say that he will be in a coma all of his life, so I suppose the question is do they unplug him or not. What’s your opinion?

I start with my first SAMTRAC course of the year tomorrow, so I am hoping to start off well with a 100% pass rate and a couple of distinctions from the class.

Have a great week


Life after Clarens

I was very sceptical and worried about having to leave Clarens in 2009, after all I was the Village Idiot and the unofficial mayor of the village, I was the person that everyone contacted if they were looking for something. I was on TV talking about the history of the village, I had a really laid back life and while I had to work hard to make money it was an idyllic lifestyle and one that you don’t really want to give up, those that have read Blogs from when I lived in Clarens would have thought “wow what a life” and I didn’t want to give it up.

I must say that it was like moving from Std 5 to Std 6 in Std 5 you are a big fish in a small ocean but then you are hit with reality and when u go to Std 6 all of a sudden you become a small fish in a big ocean. That’s what happened we I came to PE and at first it was difficult to adapt and I pined for Clarens my friends, my way of life and my comfort zone.  But as is the norm it does not take long to adapt to new surroundings, especially when you need to find a job and fend for your family. I still miss Clarens but over the years that we have been away I have learnt that nothing stays the same, people that you were great friends also get on with their lives and contact with those  friends becomes less and less. One thing however stays the same in a small village and that is the petty politics between the residents who to be honest at times have nothing better to do than to stick their noses in other people’s business.   

Lots of Political news this week as the parties start gearing themselves or the General elections this year (hopefully the ANC will remember to announce the date)

Jacob Zuma has stated that he wants the ANC to achieve a 2 thirds majority so that he can change the Constitution, which to me is very worrying. JZ’s track record against SA’s democracy and its constitution as well as his total lack of care for its values is not only worrying it’s scary. Why is he so eager to change the Constitution? The ANC themselves keep reminding everyone how good it is.

While I agree that it’s a living document and changes can be made (with the agreement of the majority) I don’t believe that it must be taken lightly and should not be used as an election ploy.  The country under Zuma has regressed and the ANC have failed to deliver on all the promises they keep dredging up when they need votes. I believe he wants to change the constitution so he can become President for life and Rape and pillage the economy like his good mate up North…………..Rob Mugabe.  I think that many “sane” South Africans of all colours are starting to see thru the smoke and mirrors, the corruption, egression in education, hospitals and just the general bullshit that the ANC spout out all the time. 2014 is a watershed election as far as I am concerned and we have a duty to vote     
The North West Premier Thandi Modise gave Pravish Ghordan the bird by purchasing not only one, but 2 luxury vehicles during her during her time in office, this information was confirmed on Friday by the Democratic Alliance.
“MEC for public works, roads and transport Raymond Elisha indicated that Modise utilised another car over and above the R1.3 million BMW she ordered in November and the R1.1m BMW (BIG MAMMAS WHEELS) she took over from former premier Maureen Modiselle,” DA North West spokesman Chris Hattingh said in a statement. He said Elisha did not give details of the car or why it was purchased.
The North West legislature set up a sub-committee to probe the procurement processes followed in purchasing the R1.3m car. Mahlakeng Mahlakeng, the chairman of the sub-committee, confirmed that a second car was bought for Modise in 2010.The premier's spokesman Lesiba Kgwele referred questions on the second car to the public works and transport department. The department could not comment immediately. Yeah that the normal answer to questions along with “We are busy investigating” or “Give him/her another chance”

Meanwhile Fktard JuJu "Telly Tubby" Malema the leader of the EFF says that we should learn from Zimbabwe, this is the report.

Economic Freedom Fighters leader Julius Malema has reportedly showered Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe with praise, saying there was no land reform system that had worked successfully for Africa other than Zimbabwe's land reform programme. Speaking during a media conference in Johannesburg, Malema said in the next 20 years Zimbabwe would be the only African country where people owned their own land, according to a Zimbabwe Broadcasting Corporation report. Malema said the Zimbabwean policy on land reform was a lesson to be learnt from and to be implemented in South Africa, “except the initial violent method of attacking white people or attacking each other”. According to an Eyewitness report, Malema said although Zimbabweans may be hungry and poor today, they could be proud of the fact that they owned property while South Africans had nothing to show as proof that they belonged to South Africa. The EEF leader said Western powers were attacking Zimbabwe to scare South Africans from engaging in any agrarian reform. He said the result of Zimbabwe's 2013 elections was scientific evidence that the people of Zimbabwe were happy about the land reform, particularly the rural masses who now had access to land.

This week the ANC launched their 2014 Election Manifesto to 44 thousand Sheep at the Mbombela stadium, I believe they all received the 3 T’s (free Transport,  free T shirt and free Transport) JZ has promised that the ANC will create 6 000 000 (6 million jobs in the next 5 years) that’s about 3 333 per day……… Probably going to create 6 000 000 jobs in the Civil service which will guarantee that they have another 6 000 000 votes and that the long suffering tax payers just get squeezed even more. A few years back it was the same ‘blah blah blah” and the ANC promised to create 5 000 000 (5 million jobs), they must have forgotten about that.

The Matric results came out and it would seem that the number of Matric’s who passed did increase (not really hard when a pass is 30%) how fucking dof (stupid) are you then to actually fail Matric? The Eastern Cape as is the norm had the worst pass rate of 64.9% with the Free State having the best 84 %………….but if you look at the adjoining picture one has to wonder about the people in charge of the Free State Education department and the veracity of those pass rates.
The ANC and its SACP cronies are lauding the fact that the Matric results have increased over the years and that this is a sign that we have a fantastic educational system but their Statistics are such nonsense. Our education system has a very low pass requirement and a very high dropout rate. The ANC chooses which statistics are relevant and uses them for their political gain, so it’s using our children as political pawns.

Tomorrow starts my 2nd week back at work, last week was Ok as we only started on Wednesday but this week will be the “Full Monty”…….5 days.
Ok well have a great week


“Dis n nuwe jaar”

Or for my non - Sefrican readers……………… “it’s a new year” and 2014 is upon us. Let’s hope that it’s a great year for us all. In SA we did not start off so well with a 38c per litre increase of petrol at midnight on 31/12/2013 with predictions that it could hit as high as R15 per litre by years end……….’I hope that they are wrong but I don’t think so”

The main event for this year in South Africa will be the General elections that will be taking place in SA and it’s to me a pivotal election as it will show me where this country is going in the next few years. As much as I love SA the last 19 years of mismanagement and corruption of the ANC have seen standards of living drop and the well-being of ordinary tax paying South African come second on the ANC gravy train that initially started off as a trickle but is now in full flood……………………I for one will definitely be voting for the only party that I believe has the ability to take on the ANC and that’s the DA, all the other parties or coalitions just dilute the vote. The coming months will be interesting as JZ and his cronies will shamelessly exploit Nelson Mandela’s legacy and hand out as much free shit and create more government jobs as to enslave their voters for voting for the “hand that feeds them”. I will keep you informed of their shenanigans over the coming months.

I have not been fishing since I caught a trout on Bergwoning’s farm about 12 years ago, I kept it in the deepfreeze for about 3 years and would whip it out at dinner parties, family gatherings and public holidays, I think that Tania threw it out when I was not looking and was terribly disappointed that she had done so…………..perhaps I should have had it stuffed and mounted like one of those singing bass fish you used to able to buy for your pub.

Anyway I digress………………. I was persuaded after a couple of beers by Rob and Rudy to go fishing on Saturday (yesterday 4/12/2014). So awake at 4.10am and picked up by Rob at 4.30am Rob and I made our way through the peas soup mist (reminiscent of the movies ‘The Fog” or Ghost ship”) and eventually managed to find our way to Cape Recife where we met Rudy and Jacky and proceeded to unpack the “fishing gear”.

About an hour later ,Rob set up a rod for me and threw it in and I stood for a while had a few nibbles and ten caught a rock………………..stood for a while looking real cool with the rod bending like I had a 4000 kg Great white on the 5 pound line and with a “twang” another lea sinker a hook and what was left of the bait was surrender to the deep.       
After that I took photos, not great ones due to the fact that the mist was at times so thick that the lighthouse even disappeared. Rudy and Jacky also had no luck and seemed content on adding to the lead poisoning of the local fish species with only Rob managing to catch 2 fish. I think that the nature conservation should erect a sigh saying “please don’t feed the fish” as that’s what we seemed to be doing, Sardines and Chokka (squid) being on the menu for the day.

I think fishing is a lot like golf, not that I know much about that sport either, but it would seem that after not catching anything but the flu for an hour a few nibbles and a false strike makes you ready for another hour of gormless looking at the line in the sea waiting for the big one. In Golf after 6 KAK holes if you have a good drive on the next hole then you are all ready for the ready for the rest of the course , the fat that you 187 over par does not even factor into it…………………..”Oh ja we are going to play Golf next weekend so I guess that we will test that theory”.

Ok I have to ask you this, I saw this on a posting on FB and a few people got the shits, I thought it was funny (maybe a tad racist but nonetheless funny) but funny non the less. What do you think? “Wonder if anyone can confirm this story. I was told that the reason why God made Barbel (cat fish), was to show the blacks what they would look like if they wanted to be mermaids”..?? I mean if we can’t laugh at other people then who can we laugh at ?

Supposed to start work on Wednesday but Ryan and I have to do industrial theatre for a client tomorrow and Tuesday and then after finishing at the client at 5pm (starting at 7am) we then have a hour environmental theatre that Ryan (my brother in law) kindly agreed to on my behalf for SAMREC (they look after the penguins and other marine life or birds that get into trouble) who are having a conference for other environmentalists and the likes somewhere outside of PE. So today is my last day of freedom ………………“The holidays have gone by faster than a bag of biltong at a weight watchers meeting”

Ok well that’s it for now


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