Just one more

If Julius Malema was given another brain cell it would be very very lonely, “what a chop”………..obviously thinks he is “the man” but he is becoming more of a clown as every day goes by. His support base are illiterate unemployed lost era want everything but not prepared to work for it assholes….even the PAC don’t like him and those geniuses want to ‘Injure him till he dies” isn’t it ironic that the Agricultural union (white people) who you would think would want to hang him from a telephone pole are using the court route but the PAC youth league (Black people) are wanting to kill him……….”Only in Africa my friends only in Africa” I also hear that J M is saying he lives on handouts (what from government tenders) I hope SARS are taking note of all these multimillion R hand outs he is getting, I think he probably gets handouts because I think he is to DOF to get a proper job. (try this link for more insight into this pratt Julius Malema) http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Julius_Malema

My Friend Jeanelle and I have come up with a few songs that Julius may like to listen to when he is not colouring in.
1) Shaggy - - It wasn’t me
2) Michael J and Paul M - - Ebony and Ivory
3) Dozi - - Oh Ryperd
4) Elvis - - Love me tender
5) Back in Black - - ACDC
6) Beat it - - Michael J
7) Dare to be stupid - - Weird al Yankovic
8) Under Pressure - - Queen
9) Live it up - - Mental as anything
10) Money for nothing - - Dire Straits
11) Jannies got a gun - - Aero Smith
12) Hit me with your best shot - Pat Benatar

Tania’s mom fell last Sunday at Church and we thought she had broken her arm, luckily just a bad sprain….My mom fell a couple of weeks ago. My mom had to drive herself home as my dad was in Limpopo, my sister was with clients and I am in PE. Tania drove Lois home and then from there Ryan, Tania and dad took her to the hospital at Greenacres.

This got me to thinking how hard it must be for loved ones living overseas to not be close to their families………... Not only is it a problem if there is an emergency with a mom or dad or a family member but it also works the other way round what would happen if your family overseas were involved in an accident or picked up an disabling disease………….One may not live close to family in SA (Tania and I certainly did not for many years)…..…but at least we where in the same country and a plan can be made if needed. Overseas whether it be Australia, Canada, New Zealand etc etc is a tad further and while we may think that all those people overseas are making a fortune, the reality is that it also costs much more to live there than here and while travel is not as expensive as it is in SA you still have to have a few grand spare to fly out and then its time of work, who looks after the kids……………etc etc.

Also just growing up with family is pretty Lekker; I am really enjoying Daniel, and while I never really knew Becky and Miceala because I was in another part of the country and while SKYPE is ok it cannot replace that one on one interaction. It’s also very nice to be able to get to know them and see them on a regular basis as well. FACEBOOK is great and keeps us in touch I hear you say….I am not on facebook, does not interest me one bit in the least. So if you are not on Facebook you don’t get to see pictures and family or their kids growing up. Cyber space as I have already mentioned is not quite the same as touching, holding and playing, but maybe that’s just me being old fashioned?.

Tania and I babysat Daniel on Monday while Ryan and the girls went to Micaela’s Gymnastics competition and she got a gold medal (well done Micaela) Daniel at the house helped us to water the flowers and I took him for a ride on the scooter, Tania also had him model the new caps she is making. Was nice to have him here, he wore me out on the front lawn with running around, kicking the football and having to swing him around and throw him in the air. (Daniel just don’t tell mom how high okay!!)

While its great that law and order prevails in the first world countries and heinous crimes like double parking and parking in the incorrect place are high on the agenda of anti-social behaviour to stamp out, I do perhaps think these Poms where a tad hasty and over zealous in removing the vehicle in question (what do you think?)

Pepper our one cat was having a mad half hour on Tuesday and was running around the garden chasing a bird (something she never does) and she fell in the pool, (her back end got soaked, wish I could have seen it)

The Taxi boss who lives 3 houses down from us was in Court again on Tuesday and there was not as much Kak as last Monday… he must have got bail however as the road in our cul de sac was full of his celebrating cronies and henchmen. “No I was not going to tell him to keep quiet”

Ryan and I did a few more environmental awareness plays this week, really enjoy doing them and working with Ryan. We have to go and do a few shows in East London in April, so that’s going to be Lekker

I have never seen a bakkie with burglar bars on its canopy windows before ……..well not until I came to PE……Strange but true.

On Tuesday is Kelvin’s court date (Kelvin is my friend from Clarens that owns Friends Restaurant (yes the Greatest chicken strips on the Planet). He is on a charge of grievous bodily harm (I think). Kelvin Bro you have many friends and people that care about you….you know the circumstances and what happened. I will be thinking of you on Tuesday and holding thumbs that all goes well.

I see Caster Semanye was on the TV this week as she/he/it has brought out an inspirational CD for all other Transvestites that got caught winning gold medals running against real women…………..That is a DUDE, there is no ways it’s a WOMAN……..As South Africa’s Greatest comedian said Caster Semanye “He is a woman” well done Julius (what a pratt) Jeanelle and I came up wit a few songs that we think should have been on the CD

1) Beautiful lie - - by 30 seconds to mars
2) What’s up - - by 4-non -Blondes
3) Freedom - - by George Michael
4) Lola (just listen to the words of the song)
5) Billy Joel - - sHE’s always a woman to me
6) Can you feel it? - - Michael J
7) YMCA - - The Village People
8) Brass in pocket - - The Pretenders
9) From a distance - - Bette Middler
10) Change - - Tears for Fears
11) Im’e your man - - Wham
12) Dude (looks like a lady) - - Aero Smith
13) Enola Gay - - OMD
14) I still haven’t found what im’e looking for - - U2

Friday Night we had rain, an actual thunderstorm……….Wow. Elton John was performing at the university sports grounds so the people got wet……..apparently Elton had said a couple of weeks back that God is gay……….Perhaps the big mans way of say ‘how gay is this”? We should hire Elton to do a concert in the catchment areas around PE for a month or so and he could break the drought.

Saturday was my 47th Birthday so for those that missed it thanks very much……… that’s you all off my Xmas card list (Nah just kidding) apart from family calling (well most of them did, some didn’t bother)………Mark called me so that was great and Kathleen Skyped me as well. I received a few SMS’s and also had a long chat with Natalie……….I really enjoy speaking to Natalie as she is such a great lady and seems that the Clarens Brewery is really doing well………That’s just great, but as I told Natalie I hope that the extra beer is being sold and Meat Bomb is not drinking it himself (he he). This week I have had a craving for Chicken Strips and an ice cold glass of Clarens Blonde. So 47 and no job……………feel a little depressed if the truth be known…..but I am the man of the family so I need to be strong and not show that I am stressing or worried…..(manly men don’t do that). Luckily I have a great wife and daughter as well as parents and parents in law some great friends so that helps. Had a braai and family came over as you can see Daniel wanted to braai and blow the smoke away at the same time. Got a lekker shirt with W.A.L.G on it for those who pay attention when reading the Blog it stands for "Whenwe Agricultural Lads Global" (its Ryan and my new scooter gang)

Forgot to tell you a couple of weeks ago I was on Algoa radio I won a competition that was supposed to get me a belly dance from one of the presenters at the radio station but due to the cricket (Pro 20 final) it was postponed…………still waiting for the dance…….just like my friend think I am going to get stiffed on this one.

Gabby flew up to Gauteng today (Sunday) to visit her grandparents, aunt and uncle and cousin, sure she is going to have a ball. Gabby arrived safely and had a good flight (although it took off 30 minutes late, think could not get the battery started) At PE airport you sit up in the wimpy an watch the people get on an off the planes, was really busy today as had 2 planes at the airport.

Sports results for the Week
• Cheetahs got a hiding from the Reds on Friday night
• Sharks won by two points on Saturday (two in a row now for the natal boys)
• Lions lost
• Bulls won (top of the table still)
• Stormers had a week off
• Australian GP: Button, Kubica, Massa, Alonso (Schumie came 10th)

Saying for this week: “When I want your opinion I will remove the Duct tape”.

Well Thhhhhhhhhhats all folks, have a great week.

Ciao

The llagevi tiod

Taxi free Monday






Thanks to my taxi boss neighbour who is in jail awaiting a bail hearing this Monday we had no taxi’s or busses on the roads, the taxi’s because they had intimidated the bus drivers not to drive and the taxi drivers were having stun grenades thrown at them by the police at the local court. My neighbour is the gent who also ranted and raved recently about F*&%$#@ whites and he would not allow them to tell him when to come to meeting etc. He is also employed by the municipality as a housing official…nice to bee paid by my tax money and then have a business on the side that you are obviously using work time to run. (Nice to be a black man in Africa neh)……. I have told you about the donkey carts on the road with the normal traffic. Here is proof

Now you all know how much I love this country and stand up for it, but this Blog I am going to vent some anger at the Government both local and national, because they are F%^$#&^%ing up big time and if we are not careful we are going to end up like other African Countries.

This I received in the week and I agree with it 150%
South Africans seem to be in a bit of a foul and restless mood, with the gyrations of our philandering president and the rather large potholes on our roads being the subjects enjoying the attention of raspier tongues, especially among the chattering classes.

Jacob Zuma is, frankly, not worth our breath. He's best left alone. He's digging his own grave. Potholes - and the general decline of our infrastructure - are another matter, however. They are a serious matter, but only the tip of the iceberg.

Traveling around the country, one cannot but be shocked at the state of our towns and cities. The streets are a sorry mess, squalid, with overgrown verges, paint peeling off buildings - a general state of neglect and decay. It's as if nobody is in charge. It is as though since the last apartheid apparatchik was chased out of town nobody has cared to lift a finger even to sweep the place. And with the current obsession with renaming things, one is often even confused as to which town or street one is in.

In days yonder, a perfect date for a township dude, dressed to the nines of course, was taking her to the movies, and thereafter some "window-shopping" in town. Not anymore. It's all boarded up now. Whether it's Johannesburg, Pretoria, Durban, or any of the many small towns across the land, some parts of the CBD have become a jungle, and even a health hazard. No longer a place to dare to venture, let alone take a leisurely stroll. Capital has also taken flight.

The ANC woke up quite late in the day to the crucial role played by local government in the life of a nation. After the election in 1994, most of the organization’s bright sparks scrambled for seats in the national parliament. Positions in city and town councils were seen as nothing but crumbs from the table. It was left to its third string to run our towns and cities. And they've run them down.

Also, in trying to merge towns and townships and do away with the old apartheid boundaries, the ANC has lumped everything together to create huge metropolises which it’s hand-picked, often incompetent, mandarins have found almost impossible to govern. It created a gulf between rate-payers and city halls, hence the alienation.

But the biggest problem, which probably explains the nationwide protests over service delivery, is our system of local government, which ensures that town mayors and managers whose actions and decisions have a huge impact on people's lives are imposed by party bosses without any say by the governed. Such a system is obviously undemocratic, and is no credit to our much-vaunted constitution.

People in such positions are often not sensitive to ordinary citizens' concerns because they are not appointed or elected by them. They are accountable to those who appointed them, the party bosses. Which is why Amos Masondo, the dozy mayor of Johannesburg, can easily pooh-pooh the outrage caused by the potholes which have disfigured the streets of this metropolis. He's not bothered by the outrage. He was imposed by the ANC. And as long as the ANC is happy with this sort of incompetence, so is he.

The country holds yet another local government election next year. It will improve or solve nothing. We will exchange one group of incompetents for yet another bunch of ineffectual individuals. They're not to blame either. It's simply the outcome of an inappropriate system of government.

It's not surprising that as we approach next year's election, none of the political parties has suggested making the system more accountable. They won't. The current system suits them just fine.

If you want clean streets and refuse that's removed on time, agitate for elected representatives at local government. It's called democracy.
And this was not written by some Right wing racist whitey it was written by the well respected editor of the Financial mail MR. Barney Mthombothi.

I agree with Barney if I was an ordinary Black South African I would also be pissed off with the service delivery and the lack of concern from the fat cat politicians and councillors the papers are full of these lazy shits wasting our tax money and not delivering. It’s unacceptable that children do not get a decent education and here are just a few problems with local black schools in the bay area (and this is just the tip of the iceberg)

• Teaching is continuing in dilapidated buildings that have been condemned by health authorities
• One primary school in Jeffrey’s Bay has four toilets for 750 pupils – and all are broken
• A science lab sits unused at a school in Zwide as staff cannot afford to buy the necessary chemicals
• At the same school, a computer room with 20 computers donated by Telkom is permanently deserted as there is no qualified teacher to give computer lessons
• Lack of fencing at a Jefferys Bay primary school has resulted in squatters settling on school land
• Many schools have minimal electricity, and some have none at all
• Some schools have more than double the maximum number of children they are built to accommodate.
• Two high schools in Humansdorp have to accommodate pupils from within a 200km radius.
The provincial Education Department says it needs a whopping R23-billion to address infrastructure issues in the Eastern Cape and that the backlog will take an astounding 20 years to clear.
(Go to schools of shame on the Herald newspapers website http://www.theherald.co.za/)
Matric mess: look out, the government has lied to you
12 January 2010
Andile Mngxitana

DEAR reader, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your government lied to you when it said 60percent of matriculants have passed. The truth is only 21percent actually passed and I’m being generous here.
Basically we have a situation where, if you had 100 children who were supposed to be in matric last year, only about 20 would have passed.
Let me tell you about a well-kept national secret and monumental scandal. The media and most education commentators missed it.
In 1998 about 1,5million children started school. Of these only about 500000 wrote matric last year. This means that during 12 years, the schooling system lost almost a million pupils.
Yes, almost a million children who started school in 1998 dropped out before matric. We must ask President Jacob Zuma what the democratic government has done with a million of our children. We have lost these pupils under ANC rule so no need to blame apartheid.
Only about 40 percent of those who started school in 1998 wrote matric last year. So the real pass rate is a shocking 21percent as Martin Prew of the Centre for Education Policy Development said.
The pass rate could be as low as 10percent if we discount those who got 30percent and 40percent in certain subjects. Yet our democratic government says if our children do not know 60 to 70percent of a subject they have passed.
Incredible!
Further, those with university exemptions are likely to fail the first year, because they are hugely under-prepared.
Black-wash, the Soweto based youth movement, explains the crisis thus: “The reality is that even though blacks and whites are supposed to have equal opportunities, blacks in township schools have few opportunities or skills. For example, a Grade 7 pupil in a white school is more likely to have better mathematics and literacy skills than a black matriculant. So black s fail Grade 12 because they have been systematically under-prepared since Grade 1.”
As we know, 97percent of children in private schools, which is essentially a white system, have passed and of those, close to 80percent have university exemption ..
These differences speak to different resource allocations, teacher preparedness, salaries and conditions of work. They also speak to the unchanged socioeconomic conditions of blacks.
We need to blame the government 100percent for the shocking state of our education. We must demand to know where the million pupils we lost in the 12 years are. We must demand that Zuma and his government declare our education system a national disaster. This means we need urgent and extraordinary intervention to correct the situation.
We need to really stop the pretence we call education. If need be, we must stop schooling for two years to sort things out.
Right now there is educational genocide for the black child. Truth is, if half the energy we put into the FIFA 2010 World Cup was focused on education we could turn the situation around within five years.
But then, again, we care more about games and jamborees than our people, so don’t count on it.
Next year this time I will reissue this same column. Expect no changes in our education disaster.
I wonder how one can be positive under these circumstances.


'We used to ride on the left side of the road!
Now we have to ride on what is left of the road '

Ok last gripe, this is true and has to do with government offices that decided that they wanted to have Big screen TV’s and DSTV decoders in 25 senior managers offices so that they could watch the Parliament channel………very contentious don’t you think? Well when the technician got the quote for Parliament channel only for the offices the reply was no get the whole package (x25) as we may as well have the benefits of the whole package……….so guess who is going to be watching the SWC in their offices….good job the Porn channel has not been agreed on otherwise getting shafted by local government could take on a whole new meaning.

This is so simple but worth a try!
An engineer (ex-NASA project director) has what I think is the near perfect solution for airport security!
Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports.
Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.
It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this crap about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift.

A friend of mine had her photo taken with two ass----s pity Malema is not there, but here is a great photo of got of the man that put the Ass back into …hole

Saw something really strange this week………a really Fugly woman driving a Merc 500 SLK…. She must have bought it herself or it’s her toy boy’s. As far as I was aware the salesmen at Mercedes are not allowed to sell a car like this unless the woman is Blonde and has a stunning cleavage. Here in PE any woman in a fancy car is blonde and busty and is probably called Storm, Summer, Dakota or Holly. So I do not know how she slipped through the gap.

Gabby (my daughter) had her first Prom on Friday….all dressed up (doesn’t she look gorgeous) WE also had to go and show grandma and cousins what she looked like, while Gabby was at the dance Tania and I had dinner and a Lekker evening with the family at Ryan’s nice just sitting back and chatting about this and that laughing at things and in general enjoying ones company ….. .. Daniel was his normal full of energy self and running around the garden playing with his sisters.

Gabby flies up next Sunday to Gauteng to spend 10 days with my family on the plot and she will have a Jol as they are taking Gabby to horse shows and my mom and sister I know will spoil her rotten. My mom had an operation this week to attach the retina back in her right eye, so I am glad that it went well and hopefully wont take two years to heal as it can take 2 months to two years to work properly. I can’t wait till June to see my mom and dad, will be great to see them looking forward to us all having a Lekker get together.

Book on Clarens is really coming along thanks to my friend Paul Els (well known author) for his assistance and me missus Tania and Keith for their hard work and encouragement taking it to a printer this coming week to get quotes on printing

Did SHE Rep training at the Dept of home affairs this week Ryan was the trainer and I did the course. Learnt a lot and have decided that if I need a new SA passport or ID I will go there with a Biochemical Hazardous waste suit as well as a fire extinguisher.

On Thursday Ryan and I did 4 shows for Aspen pharmaceuticals on the environment and part of that is about overpopulation…..seems the UN have estimated that by 2050 the worlds population will be 9 billion (it was 2 billion in 1950) I was wondering though if they had taken into consideration both Steve Hofmeyer’s and Jacob Zuma’s abilities to sire children??

Sports round up for the week

Bulls won (but only just)
Sharks won at last
Lions lost
Stormers won
Cheetahs lost (got beaten by Stormers)

Seems that Tigers wood has started to play golf again and I find it ironic he has gone straight from playing with his US mistresses to playing the US Masters

Some strange warnings/instructions found on products

• On a German Chainsaw ...'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.'
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
• On Clicks Children Cough Medicine-- 'Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication.'
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
• On a bag of Simba Chips -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary!
Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)

Got a nice call from Werner and Jeanelle Skyped me, was good to hear from them, got a couple of e-mails from Meat bomb as well, but we seem to keep missing each other….always good to hear about the village. Still no job, but working on it so hopefully good news soon. My rent has been sommer increased by R500 per month, so that is nice….thanks Mr Landlord.

Well that’s about it for this week

Ciao

The ‘Planet Mechanic” aka - Illage vidiot


Photo essay (Ek se)

Had a number of photos that i have not put on the blog that i thought would put up (just for fun)













































































2010, The year of the Vibe, Earthquake or Ox-wagon ?

This is what most people in SA are saying 2010 should be called…………I like it as there is a vibe starting to gather momentum with the World Cup only 89 days away who are

Don’t know about year of the vibe but it is definitely the year of the earthquake, Haiti, Chile, Turkey (are you seeing a pattern here?), this in turn has led to Tsunamis and other catastrophic events, apparently the earth has been knocked of its axis by these quakes, now I don’t know if you have seen the movie day after tomorrow or movies in the similar vein?.......................Could the world is coming to an end predictions be coming true?

Seems that J Z’s visit to the UK was pretty successful with the queen being particularly chuffed at all the attention he gave while he was there.

Ok so I promised last week some environmental tips so here they are
Water (at home)

· Never pour water down the drain when you could use it for something else(watering garden or cleaning)
· Check that you don’t have water leaks in your system
· Repair dripping taps by repairing dripping washers ( at a rate of 1 drop per second could waste up to 30 litres an hour and you can expect to waste more than 10 000 litres per year
· Place a bucket in the shower to catch excess water and water plants or use for toilet cisterns to flush toilets. Share a bath it can be more water efficient (and more fun)
· Install a toilet dam or displacement device (bag or a bottle to reduce amount of water flushed) toilet leaks can waste up to 30 litres of water an hour.
· Don’t let water run when shaving or washing your face (you can save 20 - 45 litres of water at a time)
· Avoid flushing the toilet unnecessary (if its brown flush it down, if its yellow let it mellow)
· By washing your car with 2 x buckets of water and not the hosepipe can save you 300 litres a time

Seems that J M is causing crap again with hate speech and just being his normal charming self. Now I am not saying he is Dof but I did hear JM had a rock, paper, scissors competition against the chimps at a local zoo and the chimps won. I think he was depraved of oxygen at a young age and this attributes the fact he cannot think logically.

Great news is that NOSA have taken me on as an Appy (or intern for those who are posh) for a few months to get me trained up to presenter of course level and then hopefully a fully time gig…..I am so stoked its not funny…….I need to say a huge Thanks to Ryan I know he has championed his “Boets” cause and gone to bat for me, but he also knows I wont let him down. Really looking forward to starting a new career its going to be tough at first and hard work but we will pull through it as I have an amazing wife and daughter as well as moms and dads brothers and. The sacrifices now will translate into rewards later. I know that one day Ryan and I will have a SUCESSFUL business together……………..(Watch this space)l

Monday we had a picnic at Schoonies, Pie R10, Beer R6, Willards Chips R7 View Priceless for everything else use Mastercard. Gabby found an awesome snorkelling spot. Monday and Tuesday weather was hot with Monday being 33 and Tuesday was close to 41 degrees. On Monday I was in Uitenhage and it must have been 45 in the shade it was HOT. Some people may not believe it but these candles melted it was so hot (and they where in the shade) although was hot it was nothing compared to the Island as it was a very pleasant -3 at stages this week (have fun ex-pats)

I had to present my Risk Assessment to the Safety team at VWSA on Monday and it went very very well, with some very favourable comments coming from the head of VWSA health and safety department……………is a great encouragement and a validation that this is the path I need to follow……..while some may feel fell with my bum in the butter, nothing could be further from the truth as I have taken the initiative to get some hands on info/training and this has been acknowledged and now with some hard work ahead I will not only live in a Lekker place I will have a job that I really enjoy and hopefully be able to make a decent living…………being happy at what I am doing is to be honest more important than earning a massive salary, driving a fancy car, having all the mod cons and stuck in a job, village, city country or situation I don’t like.

With the recall of so many vehicles all over the world is it possible that the Ox-wagon could make a return?

As Chevrolet become the latest manufacturer, after Toyota, Honda, Ford and Nissan, to recall vehicles in 2010, a spokesperson for the Afrikaans Taal en Kultuur Vereniging, said his organisation's stand-point that the ox-wagon was phased out prematurely had been proved correct. ATKV spokesperson Stefanus Dusselboom said, "Ox-wagons were used with great success for almost two centuries - none of them were ever recalled." He said that during that period no ox-wagon had ever suffered an engine failure. "And the only record of the accelerator getting stuck was when Epileptic-Ernie Oosthuizen suffered a grand mal seizure with his whip in his hand," he said.

Dusselboom said that in modern times people often forgot the story of the hare and the tortoise. "And the one about the hair and the soup." He said both parables taught the same lesson: namely that if you act in haste you may be forced to swallow a nasty surprise. Industry analyst Sunette Wakus said that although they were slower than any car made since the model-T Ford, there were nevertheless several significant advantages to the traditional ox-wagon. "There is never an issues with boot space. They handle potholes and rough terrain better than Smart Cars. You don't need a licence to drive one on a public road. They hold their resale value well. And they are much better than Toyotas when it comes to making a lager."

She said companies like Toyota could learn a thing or two from the ox-wagon, something which Dusselboom suggested Toyota may already have tried as he lashed out, accusing them of industrial espionage. "Ox-wagons were due to be marketed to the public under the slogan 'Everything keeps going, far right' and Toyota stole it from us. That and the advent of the tar road brought an end to the commercial success of the ox-wagon and paved the way for Toyota to go on and become the number one vehicle for the South African people," he said.

Looked up some interesting facts for you philistines , the first one is for my alcoholic friends in Clarens

There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London which used to have gallows adjacent. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial – of course) to be hung. The horse drawn dray, carting the prisoner was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like one LAST DRINK. If he said YES it was referred to as “ONE FOR THE ROAD” If he declined, that prisoner was – “ON THE WAGON” So – there you go.

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor" But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldnt even afford to buy a pot...........they "didnt have a pot to piss in" & were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June... However, since they were starting to smell brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor, hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt.. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer...

And that's the truth... Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! ! ???

Living In PE is not boring I can tell you that, as I was leaving home to go and collect Gabby from school on Thursday and 4 police kombis come flying round the corner into our cul - de sac screech up to a halt 3 doors down and the SA equivalent of the Swat team pours out with automatic weapons at the ready etc etc. by the time I got back they have raided the house and are taking out evidence. It would seem out erstwhile neighbour is a Mr Melekile Hani, Taxi Boss and he has been involved in two attempted murder cases as well as violent protest against the rapid Bus Transport in PE…………Oh the joys of living in a quiet neighbourhood……….I wont be going to tell him to keep his dogs quiet that I can tell you.

Friday Ryan and I did 2 environmental presentations at underprivileged schools on Friday and had te kids do a clean up of the school, was really awesome and enjoyed it so much, its always good to work with kids and I was pleasantly surprised at the manners of the children and their efforts to look te best in the uniforms they have ……..even though they are probably hand me downs.
Friday was final of the Pro 20 cricket at St Georges Ryan and I went to support the Warriors, it was awesome, what a Jol, great to be able to spend time like this with Ryan and Keith. My Folks are coming down in June so I can’t wait to see them, I think they will like PE and will be great to show them around

This photo is from the pre publicity of a new Muslim TV show its loosely based on the Cagney and Lacey series of so many years ago….the producers are battling to come up with a catchy name for it …ideas have been: (Ayatollah’s Angels) (Jihad 911), (Baghdad Black…trying to imitate NYPD Blue) (Kameela and Nabeela) (Yakootah and Taroob) (Bitches in Burkas) they even thought that they could tap into the non Muslim world and thought about calling it (Nuns with Guns) This photo is actually a still from the Porn version as you can see in this photo they are erotically and scantily dressed, having no veils and handling phallic like thingies. This one they where thinking of calling Roboc----. An interesting fact that there are no Muslim ladies names that start with C, O, P, Q, U, V or X

Seems that growing old brings with it not only wisdom, but sadness as well….sadness at the passing of Friends or family. Yesterday I received the sad news that Elize Crowther had passed away. Danie her son called me …for which I am very greatefull. Elize was a great lady and an asset to not only the village of Clarens but the eastern Free State as well. Her husband “Oom Rob” died just a few months back and coupled with two major strokes that Elize had suffered between then and now, I believe that she had decided to be with Oom Rob. And while we are sad that Elize is no longer with us, she is in a better place and with the man of her dreams. Elize sorry I never had the chance to say goodbye, thank you very much for all the times we sat and chatted and the encouraging words that you always seemed to have and always at the right time.

Had a bike accident, not to much damage….was very lucky seemed to have a little angel looking over me while I lay unconscious on the road…………….learnt a big lesson that you don’t get on a bike that is to small for you and is underpowered.

Sports roundup for the week
1) Warriors are the Pro 20 champions (Ole ole ole ole)
2) Sharks lost again (was close but now 5 in a row)
3) Stormers won again
4) Bulls won (but will need to tighten up on defence)
5) Lions got a hiding this weekend
6) F1 started to day with first race being won by Alonso a Ferrari 1/2……… Schummie came 6th in front of last years World Champion Button

Must say I do not think the experiment of using home referees is working seems the Aussies want to win the Super 14 with help of their Refs. Hopefully next year they will revert back to using refs from the country not being represented by the two teams)

Found a couple of good sites to look at
http://www.nothingtoxic.com/
http://www.funmansion.com/

Quotes for the week:
Nothing can stop the person with the right mental attitude from achieving his or her goals.
Winning starts with beginning

Famous last words: The weather report at Pearl harbour on morning of 7th December 1941………. ‘The day will be mild to hot, with a slight nip in the air”

Ciao

The Idiot village

Sorry no blog..please be patient we have a problem

For some reason cannot get to paste my Blog onto the the blogspot.........so hopefully will be fixed soon

Sorry

Village Idiot

No Integrity

Got a friend that introduced a buyer of a house to people that he knows in the real estate business, expecting that a referral commission would be due from this referral …… Seems my friend was sadly wrong as he has been Stiffed with a capital S. It’s sad because he told me that he could have gone straight to the seller and made a packet out of the deal himself. But he decided (like an Idiot) that because these people had been helpful in the past and felt he was able to trust them, he would give them the business. He also told me he has sent a number of messages to the agency but all that he has received back is a deafening silence……..My friend also advised me that large chunk of change for commission was earned, sorry (should read received). Pretty Good for an agency doing the deal from a referral (thanks to my friend) and he did not even get a thank you………………now that sucks. What has my friend learnt from this Golden lesson? Well he tells me that he now understands why people class estate agents with 2nd hand car dealers and lawyers. My friend mentioned that he likes to be taken out to dinner first before he is Screwed (he used a cruder word).

Just in case is wondering what Integrity means, according to the Encarta dictionary English UK “The quality of possessing and steadfastly adhering to high moral principles or professional standards” clearly not a code that his friends adhere to.

Ryan and I have started a new bike club it’s called the (When We Rural lads Scooter Club Global) or WALG for short, so far there are two of us but we plan to extend our membership to the next suburb so we can then go for really long rides and 4km weekend breakfast runs.

100 days to the start of the World cup and can you do the Diski dance?? , this is the dance that has been introduced in SA in anticipation of the World Cup and is loosely based on South Africans unique style of Soccer moves. Its not a dance it’s a whole production there are 5 steps with each step having about 20 moves……….now how the hell are we
1. Supposed to learn all the moves with only 100 days to go?
2. Supposed to do it during a football match? (you need about 15 minutes to complete the dance and need half a football field to ensure you do the moves)
I can imagine the conversation on Monday at the office,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,So Steve did you get to see the England Bafana match………yeah tickets cost me R1500 each. Wow that’s expensive was it worth the money……….don’t know as we did the Diski dance 3 times and only say about the last 10 minutes of the game.(In Mexico they created the wave (its fun, its fast and its SIMPLE). Oh just so you know the steps are called (The Juggle, The header, Table mountain, Trepa, The bridge, don’t ask me what Table Mountain or a bridge has to do with football but those bloody Capetonians have to get that small hill covered with cloud mentioned at any chance because the rest of the place Sucks……….FIFA don’t need to worry abut Cape Town ripping SWC tourists off for the World Cup…………They have been ripping us all off for years). Back to the Diski dance they have workshops that you sign up for 3 weeks to learn how to do this dance………..(Count me out I will support soccer the old fashioned way with a beer in my hand, shouting abuse at the ref and the opposing team/s PROUDLY waving the SOUTH AFRICAN FLAG…………”KE NAKO”)
.
Time is few now for the start of the World Cup and everything seems on track……cant wait to go and watch a match with Ryan and dad, to watch a SWC game in your OWN country (In AFRICA) is great…………Pity all those “Sefricans” living around the world will miss out. And to all this naysayer’s out there especially the South African living abroad who have said we could never pull it off I have two words for you……………“BYTE ME” we will host one of, if not the best tournaments ever held. Although I can see all of the “We love SA but not enough to make a contribution to the actual country brigade” pretending that they love SA by congregating in some park in London or Sydney or Auckland and doing their best to pretend they are in SA and really want Bafana to do well………… I always find it amazing how they always seem to crawl out of the woodwork when something good is being celebrated regards SA…………… they pull out the Braai’s, face paint, flags and false patriotism. ”Shout for the Poms rather……..we have the support of enough “egte regte” South Africans I am sure this is going to pee a few “Sefricans” off but to bad that’s how I feel about it.

Seems that the British press have been going on about our pitches not being ready for the World Cup…….100% correct some do need attention……like the Wembley pitch that has had to be re-laid four times I believe. And they also have been giving J Z carrots and while we may not agree with his lifestyle etc etc…he is our President and if anyone’s is going to give him Kak then its us…….not some pasty Pommie half breed that has only recently learnt to read and write. Used to be that Britannia ruled the waves now they just Waive the rules.

Learnt a new English word this week “Badger” now I know that a badger s a small furry WILD (wild he he he) animal found in the UK that hunters over there find very challenging to hunt and kill with a pea shooter, sort of like that other popular sport on the Island where you get to ride a horse blow a trumpet drink port and shout Tally Ho as you watch a pack of dogs rip a fox to pieces (Very civilised old chaps, very civilised). Anyway a badger must be really dangerous as it has a very rough scrotum and you could seriously hurt your hands if you where’t wearing welding gloves while handling it, the reason I know it has a rough scrotum is from that antediluvian saying ‘Rough as a BADGERS scrotum”. To badger means to pester, hassle, harass, go on at, as again and again. Hence the phrase “badgering the witness” which is completely different to rodgering the witness (but that’s a different lesson completely). So if you are really grieved (here we just say the Moer in) at someone giving you hassles (here we just say kak) you say please just go away you are starting to badger me and will have to call the constabulary to come and chastise you. WOW I know I would be quaking in my pumps (another quaint pommie word for a flat canvas shoe, I think we call the tekkies here?) its definitely more forceful than (Hey bro if you don’t stop giving me kak I will come over there and snot klap you the crap out of you and hopefully the cops will get here before I rip your arm off and beat you with the soggy part).

As you can see my Nephew Daniel has taken up cricket, he has the stance down pat, that obviously makes Ryan Happy who is a Cricket Fundi who can tell you what colour socks AB de Villiers was wearing the day he made 100 runs against England etc etc etc. Daniel is also a Millers fan got to say the boys got taste. And just in case your wondering he took the bottle himself and it still has the cap on it. however when I opened the bottle and it made that KSSSSSh sound he went aaaaaaah. Daniels going to be a beer drinker. Daniel is also going to be an outside kid, he is going to enjoy the beach, the garden, playing sports and I can see him as a tanned blonde boytjie….well at least that’s one of the advantages of living in our 3rd world country

Seems that President Zuma is visiting the queen this week, on her invitation, wonder what she wants? Perhaps she feels Jacob could assist the UK with that country’s declining population growth…………..perhaps he could give some a TIP or two that will enable the island to produce more second rate citizens?

I also believe that when Jacobs 1 2 3 4 5 …………….6 wives heard that the Queen was going to present him with a Knighthood they all said ……………EISH why? He will never use eeeet!!



The Horses that the police use in PE have registration numbers on them...they do see for yourself.




Found some part time work ……………..well Ryan did (thanks bro),its assisting putting together and acting in an environmental play that a client of NOSA asked for……Pretty Lekker, as get to work with Ryan and do something constructive an added bonus will make a few R from it. The Village Idiot is becoming a environmental Crusader and as Martin Luther King said just before he had the top of his head blown off …………. “I should have worn a helmet”………….nah just kidding …………”I HAVE A DREAM”. So you can be sure that I will be advising on how we as individuals, families, communities and companies can SAVE THE PLANET.

On Wednesday the local traffic cops blockaded the N4 in and out of PE, there was chaos and eventually 100-120 where arrested and cars towed away etc etc….luckily I was not in the traffic. What I found amusing about the whole incident is that they interviewed the “main man” who had arranged the demonstration who gave the normal we are downtrodden and no one loves us blah blah blah, his name is Hamilton Toitoi…….yes believe it or not that is his name “Only in Africa”………… yeah I know we are not a “First world everything works perfectly and is in its place country”………………..but we have Sunshine, Braaivleis Rugby and the rainbow nation.

It was Julius Malema’s 29th b/day on the 3rd and a local radio station wanted to know from listeners what do you give a man that has everything??...........The general consensus was (A BRAIN)

On Sunday (sorry today) Tania exhibited at St Georges market, did ok and definetly a market she will attend on a regular basis. What’s nice is her mom and dad come and visit at the markets and I thinks Tania’s mom is really enjoying spending quality time with Tania, its nice that Loi also comes to the house at least once a week and does crafts with Tania or helps with work that Tania is busy with……Strong bond between mom and daughter.

Gabby was playing with that play snot today at Ryans house and has named it Mark…when I asked her why she said because if you drop it on the floor it bounces just like Mark. Sorry bro cant take her anywhere.

Have been working hard on trying to finish the book on Clarens………….getting quotes to print (anyone want to find me a sponsor?). Hopefully will be able to sell a few other than to my Mom. Working on the book has made me homesick especially going through photos of parties, braai’s etc we went to with friends. Hopefully I can get to see the village in the not to distant future.

Some sad news I received this week was the death of a friend who we had not seen for a while. Yvonne worked with Tania and I at the Malaga hotel and ran the kitchens……such a great lady and hard worker. I will never forget how Yvonne got totally Blotto when we won the 95 world cup and led the staff in a conga dance through the hotel, gardens and staff quarters……….before the staff ensured she was safe in bed. I also vividly remember times spent with Yvonne and her best friend Mary………we would laugh until our sides hurt. Rest well Yvonne sorry that I did not get to say goodbye but you will forever be remembered and your life lives on in those people you touched with your generosity and friendship.

I have come to the conclusion that the kids today don’t go to varsity to learn, if you want to do that you study via UNISA. They are always complain about something or someone and want it all for free. If you want to learn then learn, if you want to fart around apply for a visa to England.

Sports roundup for the weekend
Lions lost
Bulls – did not play
Sharks Lost but should have won (according to reports I read)
Cheetahs Won ………Yippee doing better than the Sharks at the moment.
Stormers won big time 33 - 0
Warriors meet the Highveld Lions in next weeks Pro 20 final at St Georges…..Ryan, dad and I are “there like a bear”….should be great evening.

Quote for the week: “Success is dependent on effort”

Joke for the week…………….. What do you call a sleep walking nun ?? “A Roaming Catholic”

Well that’s about it for the week

"Tally ho old chap"

The ellagi vidiot
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