Goodbye Christmas ..............Hello Easter

Well that’s Christmas gone for another year. Next stop Easter. I believe that a large number of “Sefricans”, (especially those who have right wing inclinations) in Europe were a bit upset as they did not realise a white Christmas consisted of snow and freezing temperatures, they where contemplating a Christmas with no darkies or wogs (as our civilised British maatjies (friends) call them).

If you have seen the Checkers advert with the Nataniel talking about a Turducken (He thought was a small communist country) well it may as well be had a look at the price of one at Checkers on Monday and a small one is R450 00. I nearly fainted, I was under the impression that it was supposed to be a better priced alternative for the festive season. For those who don’t know it’s a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey, good job there wasn’t fish involved other wise the name may have been rather risqué

Europe is still under a white sheet but it seems that its not only the snow, ice and cold that they have to be worried about, terrorism has raised its ugly head in Europe (England, Italy and Sweden) with bombs either going off, being defused or plans being foiled to blow up 12 (count them 12) tourist related spots in England. Sort of makes me happy to be living on the tip of Africa and away from all that apprehension. It also got me thinking about the 1980’s in SA when you had to walk through metal detectors when shopping, women’s bags being searched but men with side arms being allowed to wander around that made no sense to me whatsoever.

So what have we been up to this week, well apart from doing a little last minute Xmas shopping and pottering around the house, going to the beach not much to be honest, a “luie lekker” week as they say in the classic’s.

While we love Sards (Sardinia bay) we have found another really awesome beach called Kini bay, near Seaview. Its further than Sards but there are a couple of spots that are just great to sit and chill, snorkel, braai, drink a beer or contemplate the meaning of life, all done this last week.

Do you remember me telling you about Stumpy tail the Cat that made The Terminator look like Noddy, the cat that killed Snowball, well it would seem “ding dong, the cat is dead” have not seen him for ages and rumour in the cul de sac is that he has gone to kitty hell. So we have now started to leave windows pen again, but it’s a little like one of those slasher movies where you see the bad dude getting killed but you just have a feeling there is going to be a sequel.

Bought our cat Mischief a Christmas present, it’s a Cat Play Station, here is a photo of it. Gabby and I did a city tour on the scooter on Wednesday, we also went to the main library to look for info on The LM coup that I need for my “Phantom of the Forest” book. I had a great time with Gabby, must definitely do it more often. Some people (and not celebrities either) have hundreds of friends on Facebook (I have 90+). How do you keep up with that many people, surely it’s not possible, I know that I only keep in touch with about 20 of the 90, so I should actually can the ones I don’t keep in touch with. This then begs the question why have hundred of friends if your not actually taking an active interest in their lives or they yours. Is it like a “mines bigger than yours” competition?

I have utmost respect for those people that can wrap Xmas presents so nicely. Mine always look like they have been dragged through a hedge backwards and then dropped in a blender. I battle to find the tear in the cello tape so I can cut small strips to use to wrap the presents. Usually I stick the pieces on a table for easy access, however what usually happens is that the pieces stick to the table and cannot be used or the tape curls up and sticks on itself, rendering that piece unusable also the tape always seems to have a mind of its own and sticks to the wrapping paper, but not in the spot you want. I always have a present left but not enough paper to cover it, so it’s back to the shop to buy another roll.

On Friday I had coffee with an old boss of mine at the PE air port, actually Wayne was the owner of a few hotels I worked at, he then went into partnership with an asshole (actually 2) a father and son team who managed to break the close relationship that Wayne and I enjoyed. We have stayed in contact intermittently but I had not seen Wayne for about 8 years so it was really good to catch up on news.

Talking about air ports it’s interesting to see the emotions at different parts of the terminus, at departures the mood varies between happy and sombre, if you’re going on a journey its cool, but if you’re leaving after visiting family or leaving forever it can be pretty Kak. At arrivals however it a different matter there is a buzz and an air of expectancy with family or loved one arriving.

Been watching a programme called cops on TV lately and have to say the police in the states are just soooooooooo gay its not funny, “I am putting you in cuffs because your freaking me out” this is the quote from a cop detaining a really bad man who drove down the road with no lights………WOW. Also two huge cops have to call for backup to arrest some 90 pound weakling and then tazer the poor sod when he does not get out of the car fast enough, but only when they have more cops there than Hitler had soldiers.

And while we are on the subject of travelling........... News flash - All South Africans need to get foreign passports because as a South African passport holder we “cannot travel anywhere on a SA passport”……….No its not info from the department of Home affairs or a Government bulletin, its an arbitrary (uninformed/illogical) comment that I picked up on a social interaction page, this now makes sense as to why so many South Africans are flocking overseas and waiting to qualify for a passport of the country they have chosen, its so they can travel to any destination of their choice, but wait how did they get there in the first place if you cannot travel anywhere on a SA passport, did they swim, micro light, hitch a lift with Ewan and Charlie, walk? I wonder then who fills the flights that leave from South African airports for foreign destinations? I will definitely have to look into this conundrum (puzzle/challenge) as to how as South Africans we cannot travel anywhere but manage to get to Kuwait, Australia, New Zealand, UK, Canada etc. Maybe what the person was trying to say is that as a South African you need visa’s to get into certain countries but with a EU or other foreign passport you can waltz in and out of those countries without even a "bye your leave". Will check on this and get back to you.

Seems that a gent was arrested in Queenstown (Eastern Cape) for driving a stolen Mercedes panel van (borrowed for the boss, a funeral parlour) without his permission, that’s bad I hear you say, yes it is but I have not finished, he had 15 stolen sheep (yes 15) as well as 6 passengers and was just a little over the legal alcohol limit, “32 times to be exact”. He said that he bought the sheep, but the cops could see that he was just trying to pull the wool over their eyes. Only in Africa,

Xmas eve we had a really nice dinner prepared by Tania (thanks my love) and dad came across to join us, sent a couple of messages on face book. The table that Tania set was also very lekker and we had a really nice evening chatting and having a couple of drinks

Xmas day woke up to a nice wet PE, Santa had been kind enough to bring us 12mm of much needed precipitation other wise we spent a relaxed day, just Tania, Gabby, myself and Keith, woke up earlyish, and cleaned the pool, yeah I know “not normal” but then again am I normal? Had a nice breakfast and spoke to family in Gauteng and then skyped the UK family, was nice to see Amber and she seemed to enjoy seeing Mischief the cat. For lunch we had a do it yourself lunch of cold meats and salads, Gabby had Sushi and everyone just did there own thing, think maybe next year like Ryan has done this year we take a pilgrimage up to Gauteng and spend a Xmas with the Dunkley, Esterhuizen, Kingham (well some of them) Clans at the family estate (five and a half acre plot in Petit). Late afternoon Stephen popped in and we drove to Sards to take a walk on the beach and take my Gnome (Xmas present from Tania) for a photo shoot. Beach was busy with a number of families just relaxing and enjoying a typical SA Port Elizabeth Xmas day (on the beach).

Boxing or family day as we know it in SA was also “rustig” (quiet for those who don’t understand the “taal”…sorry language) but do you know the origins of the day??...No well I checked and here it is The reason that the December 26th was known as 'Boxing Day' was the fact that many centuries ago, the Lord and Lady of the manor/castle/estate gathered together at the manor house, castle etc., the workers including those from the outlying fields, forests and streams, the day after Christmas Day and organized the distribution of the annual necessities, done according to the status of the worker and the size of the family. Into boxes and barrels would go supplies of cloth spun by the spinsters, the cobbler’s leather goods, new tools and supplies of salt and spices. Also dried goods such as meat, fish, vegetables and some fruit and cereals grown on the estate for bread making. This the giving out of such boxes became "Boxing Day".

We have had some rain this week, mostly drizzle and the Xmas 12mm but dam levels have only risen from 31.5 % to 31.6%, I never thought that having a bath would be a luxury, I am not a shower fan, but if you want to have a bath you don’t shower for a week to save up the water to have a very shallow bath, so mostly we just shower. Talk about being optimistic there is a Chinese guy trying to sell hosepipes on the side of the road just around the corner from us….I don’t know if he knows there is a ban on hosepipes as well as a drought. Maybe we should tell him.

It’s possible that the December sevens that is usually hosted in George is moving to PE from next year, we have competition from Cape Town and Rustenburg, so its not a certainty…but here is hoping.

Here is a little story that I found interesting that came from an e-mail contact who has been assisting me with information on Daniel Roxo.

"And by the way, I was born in number 26 Dunkley Street in Cape Town, which was a rather poor area in my childhood days but our old house has been declared a National Monument - along with all of the other houses in Dunkley Street - and has now become a sort of Yuppie hangout. So naturally, Dunkley Street has made way for Dunkley Square but the old Dunkley Street sign still hangs on the wall to the left of our old house (facing the house, that is). I thought I had to share that with you".

Maybe some of you remember at the beginning of the year that I was going to collect 5c pieces that I had picked up over the year, well I have just counted them (yeah slow day) and there are 241 which is the grand sum of R12.05, enough for a Quart of Millers.

Got to love the new angle that the Nigerians are using to scam money out of people, have to say this one had some thought and effort put into it….Who falls for this shit?

“Hello I am a British soldier currently in Afghanistan. I am with the 40th Regiment Royal Artillery in Afghanistan. We hijacked a suspected Van painted black between the border of Pakistan and Afghanistan. The Door gunners sitting behind machine guns in the Black Van tried shooting at our direction but we lunched a combat backup attack on the Black Van none of the Taliban survived the attack. We discovered other currencies including US dollars of about $ 16 million loaded inside the Black Van with so many types of machine guns. We want to move this money out of this place, before we declare other items in the van to the international press. This place is a war zone you will keep our share pending the end of our assignment here in Afghanistan. We will take 60%. You take 40%. No strings attached, just help us move it out of Afghanistan, Afghanistan is a war zone. We plan to use secured logistics courier to ship the money out in a large box.

If you can help to receive the box for us, I will send you the full details. Kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest including your most confidential telephone/fax numbers for quick communication also your contact details. This should be a secret and must be a secret between us.” Respectfully,Gen Sir David Richards (right)
Well on that innovative note, that’s about it for this week , only 1 week left and its 2011, some people cant wait for it to arrive, others are sad that 2010 is on the way out, “Time stands still for no man, or woman for that matter”.

Here are a couple of sayings/quotes that I read this week.

"I would like to see your point of view on this argument but I can’t shove my head up my ass that far"

"I have not met anyone that I was not able to annoy"...(Must get me a T shirt that say that)


Switch off the engines

Used to be a joke that did the rounds in the early 80’s that went something like this

Q: What’s the difference between a Boeing 747 and an ex – Rhodesian
A: The Boeing stops whining when it gets to the airport and switches of its engines

Rhodesians were flocking into SA from Zimbabwe as they did not want to live under black rule and we called them “When We’s” because the conversation always started “When we……..”. Funny to think that ex pat South Africans now hold the mantle of the “When we” “When we lived in SA…………” “When we ran the country…………….”.

Whenever I read one of the Blog’s that we get on news 24 from an ex South African , I get the impression that they are writing it while drinking as they always seem to start happy with what’s so great about their new homeland, then it goes on to the Dronkverdriet stage of why they would love to come back to SA and they miss the Sun, Highveld thunderstorms, Mrs Balls Chutney and Aromat and then it goes on to the we told you so stage and what s going to happen to the rest of us poor sods that are left to the mercy of the Black hordes that rule the country.

I Live in Port Elizabeth, yesterday we enjoyed a day at the beach in that glorious SA sun and did we get harassed, did we get mugged………..NO. Last night I left my car unlocked and windows down in the driveway and to my horror when I woke up this morning it was still there, yes can you believe it “Still there” but how can this be? The “When we’s” say that cars get stolen all the time with impunity. Today I took my daughter on the scooter and spent the day together exploring the city old and new parts taking photos walking the streets, you know what I saw? Citizens of PE getting on, I did not once feel threatened or unsafe. “When We’s” would have been horrified to see in the city centre, that old and young ladies (single and white) walk in predominantly black parts of the business district, without a care in the world. How can this be do the “When We’s” not tell us that they left because they could not walk the streets and if they did they would get murdered and raped.

I am not naïve and know that there are many challenges that this country faces and that crime is a problem. My dad had a gun put against his head and the gun misfired, was he scared…………Yes, did he run…No. Sometimes you got to harden the F%$k up.

You can mock this Blog, you can call me names you can tear me to pieces for living in La La land , “I don’t give a shit”. I love this country and I am here to make it work for everyone, not just one skin colour (as it was in the past). I am not going to run away because some bitter and twisted ex pat says I have to. Enjoy what you have in your new found Shangri-La (Freezing temperatures and bomb threats in London, cannot be good) Leave me to enjoy South Africa and the many positives that it holds.

And remember “Africa is not for sissies”

"Just Chllin"

Well the good news is that after 11 days managed to get my Cell C contract activated and number ported ……….. Cell C “the power is on your hands” MY ASS, No coffee, no service, just crap, the only thing that goes Wooooosh in the Cell C shop at Walmer shopping centre Port Elizabeth is the air going through the staffs ears. You must know how crap they are if they managed to get Tania to swear………..”Now that’s a talent”

After a long long long flight (or should I say flights) Doug, Nici and Amber got back to the island, sent an SMS to say they where expecting snow on Saturday, nice for them to have a white Xmas. Here Xmas will be quiet, Tania, Gabby, Keith and I (I am sure that Stephen will come and visit for a few hours). Ryan and family left on Thursday evening for Gauteng to spend Xmas with Kirsten’s sister and family, know Ryan was not to keen on that, cant say I blame him (not the spending time with family, spending Xmas in Gauteng), I am sure Ryan will make an excuse to go and watch the SA vs India game at Centurion. See that on websites (Friday 17th) we have already won the series and India are crap, this after only 1 day with a green wicket and having rained, India were 136 for 9…..however we have to bat still, so let’s see what happens. Update (Sat 18) is that SA scored over 600) with Jacques Kallis scoring his first double century, that’s 200 runs or more for those that don’t follow cricket.

Seems the snow forecast was correct (London - Blizzards and freezing temperatures shut down runways, train tracks and highways across Europe on Saturday, disrupting flights and leaving shivering drivers stranded on roadsides.).

See the Aussies are fighting back against the Poms in the ashes series, this with the British press all but having the series won just because they beat the Aussies in the first test. Still a long way to go In that series as well and even if you don’t like the Aussies you have to admire their tenacity and never say die attitude. (they won by 267 runs)

Cant remember if I told you but just before Doug left back for the balmy Christmas weather of the island he did 2 things 1) presented me with the Shit Stirrer wooden spoon (floating trophy) “got a feeling that I will probably hold on to it for a while” and B) sabotaged one of my Millers beers by putting some fake beer powder in it. What was I more upset with being called a Shit stirrer or having my beer tampered with? …….My beer being tampered with of course, yeah I can stir when I want to, now I have a licence (Thanks Doug)

I see that asshole (pardon the pun) Shrien Dewani hired a male prostitute when in SA, (“Cape Town - A German male escort has contacted British police with claims that murder-accused Shrien Dewani paid him for sex, it emerged on Wednesday”) amazingly there are people on news 24 that believe he is innocent and that he is being framed for being

British and gay………….. Probably family members trying to do some damage control. If he is into alternate sex then he will be really happy when he is jailed here in SA as he will be busy every day and won’t even need to pay for the services. As the drink and drive advert says “They would love to a client,
Wednesday we had the staff Christmas lunch at the Cattle Baron restaurant, was not to shabby Nigel………..Then it was in the words of Alice Cooper “Schools out for Summer” I am back at work on the 10th of January …….Then up to a trainers conference on the 11th in Centurion for a couple of days.

A good friend of ours in Clarens (Jeanelle) was diagnosed with encephalitis which is an inflammation of the brain caused by a viral infection. The Drs are not sure how she was affected, I was just really surprised she had a brain………he he just kidding Jeanelle, you know we are thinking of you and Love you like family so get better soon.

While the rest of the country has had Monsoon season and floods we managed a paltry 10mm rain on Thursday and 9 on Friday (better than nothing) but not even a drop in the ocean to what we need, the Dam in Fort Beaufort is empty and businesses have had to close down. Meanwhile Clarens has had over 200mm and Gauteng had well over 160mm.

The opening season Fireworks display was postponed on Thursday night due to the rain and low cloud cover, but we went to watch on Friday, was pretty cool and had a nice vantage point, Dad came with us and was nice to have him with us. Must say really proud of dad, while I know he is missing Lois he has decided that life needs to be lived and is going out and doing things and enjoying life. Next year he is going to the UK to visit Nici, Doug and Amber (Just don’t think of staying there dad, otherwise we will come and haul your ass back. We where there about an hour before the display and sat about half a k away, to keep ourselves amused we decided to see who could jump the furthest from a set point….good to know that I can still out jump a 15 year old ……….while that was great, the fact my knees hurt like hell for the next two days was not.

The Government is looking to bring in new legislation to stop alcohol abuse in SA.

“Johannesburg - New legislation might ban alcohol brands from advertising, place a moratorium on new liquor licenses and make any drinking before driving illegal, Beeld reported on Thursday. "We need drastic legislation to combat alcohol abuse and to regulate the industry more strictly," Social Development Minister Bathabile Dlamini told reporters in Johannesburg.

Dlamini and Health Minister Aaron Motsoaledi, who was also at the announcement, said their departments would initiate steps to draw up the legislation next year.
A moratorium on liquor licenses would mean no new restaurants would be able to serve alcohol and no new bars could open, the newspaper reported”.

This is all good and well, but like most laws in SA if there is neither the trained staff of the will to enforce them then the law means nothing. If they policed the smoking laws then 60% of the pubs would go out of business due to the fines, but have you ever heard of a restaurant ,pub or sports arena being fined or closed down for allowing smoking in a non –smoking area ??. We have some of the most stringent anti-smoking laws in the world and they are not enforced, so who is going to ensure that the new laws regards drinking are adhered to…………....No one that’s who, so its legislation just for legislating sake.

Talking about drinking and driving the local pub that I have been frequenting (The Golden Duck) is closing down. Was ok had a decent atmosphere, good cold and reasonably priced Draught, but seriously shit chicken strips……ah well back to the drawing board. Perhaps we need Kelvin to open a Friend’s franchise here in PE, about 1km from my house. What ya think Kelvin ??

Don’t mess with the Russians
And this is how it's done

This videotape shows Russian Navy commandos on a Somalian pirate ship shortly after the pirates had captured a Russian oil tanker. The Euro Union navy that patrols these waters would not interfere because they feared there could be casualties. All explanations are in Russian with a single exception of when a wounded pirate says something in English and the Russian soldier says "This is not a fishing boat.". All conversations between the commandos are in Russian. If you don't understand Russian, the pictures speak for themselves. The soldiers freed their compatriots and the tanker. The Russian Navy Commandos moved the pirates back to their own (pirate) ship, searched the pirate ship for weapons and explosives and then they left the ship and exploded it with all remaining pirates hand-cuffed to it. The commandos sank the pirate ship along with the pirates and without any court proceedings, lawyers etc. That is, they used the anti-piracy laws of the 18th and 19th centuries where the captain of the rescuing ship has the right to decide what to do with the pirates. Usually, they were hung.

I would think from now on, Russian ships will not be targets for Somalian pirates..

There was a Scottish pipe band at a local shopping centre of Saturday, pretty good as well, playing not only traditional Scottish tunes but Christmas carols as well…….. All I have to say is “Give that man a Bells”

Went for a beach walk and a braai today (Sunday) and what stated off as a foggy and overcast day ended up being ok, much better than the weather in Europe that’s for sure, wonder how many Home sick “Sefricans” are wandering around London today wondering “wat die fok gebeur het” wishing they were home. Don’t worry dudes we will take up the slack for you, enjoy the cold and icy weather…he he he. Wors rolls and beer on the beach really not a bad way to spend a Sunday morning.

I see that a third movie in the Fokker series will come out on the 24th of December, first it was “Meet the parents”, then “Meet the Fokkers” and coming soon to a big screen near you (Unless you live in Marquard of course) is “The Little Fokkers” should be Fokken good.

That’s about it for this week and with only 5 shopping days left to Christmas I need to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a happy new year. (None of this politically correct happy holiday crap for me.)



Hay Ho Hay Ho its off to a wedding we go

The more astute (and they say I am no wordsmith) of my 11 regular readers will have realised that last Sunday my Blog did not appear, the reason being is that we were on the way back from Gauteng having attended the wedding of my Niece Christine and her new husband Craig. Tania, Gabby and I also got to be with my dad on his birthday, so all in all a pretty cool weekend.

The flight up was a tad scary as the wind was pumping in PE (very unusual not) in fact the plane was rocking from side to side on the runway. There was turbulence aplenty on the flight to Oliver Tambo…but we made it safely.

As I have mentioned it was my dads birthday and Christine’s wedding on Saturday the grooms family gave my dad hay bales as a present (private joke). Dad was really happy to have the whole family with him as well as getting the opportunity to see how fit he was by humping the bales to the area wedding was taking place in a park in Pretoria.

The wedding was very nice; Christine looked beautiful and got me thinking that one day Gabby will also marry and that I will be the proud dad to lead her down the aisle. After the photos and ceremony it was to the restaurant with dad getting us lost (even with a GPS, however that’s another story) but we eventually got there and had a great time. Sunday was rest, have brunch, Gabby went for a ride and before we knew it, it was time to fly home………”To a windy PE I may add”. It was awesome to spend the weekend with the family and share special moments.

Missed the Boks vs Baba’s game, as I was in a park at a wedding but watched the highlights later, to be honest was not really fazed that we lost, we showed against the Poms that if we play to our strengths and stick to a game plan we can do well in the World Cup next year, so don’t write the Boks off just yet.

See the Poms gave the Aussies a hiding in the second cricket test beat them by an innings and 71 runs, people are calling for Shane “fat boy” Warne to come out of retirement and help the team win. He says he wont but he has got an ego the size of an elephant so I am predicting that he will decide to do it, also a huge wad of cash will be accepted as to save the countries embarrassment does come with a price, appealing to most peoples patriotism and love for their country will only get you so far….the clincher is usually the cash incentive.

We usually pack light when we go away and trip to family was no exception, however when you see a lone packet of Woolworths chips come around the luggage carousel then you have to wonder W.T.F ?

Gabby passed grade 8 (std 6) and next year heads to grade 9 (std 7) is having a short Xmas /summer holiday has been off school since 26th November and goes back to school on the 18th January 2011. Well done my angel for passing std 6 just 4 more years to go and then its “I owe I owe I owe its off to work I go”

Surprise surprise they have arrested Shrien Devani for having his new bride Anni murdered….or has he? Reports differ from he was arrested to he was granted bail to he was not granted bail, now he is apparently gay (what’s that got to do with anything?) and now he is getting bereavement counselling over death of his wife (that he caused, is that not F%$#@ed up or what?)

I was always suspicious that this murder had been a hit and that hubby was involved, wonder if he will go to jail in UK (country club) or serve his time in SA with the 47 gang that will show him how small holes can quickly become enlarged…….Welcome to SA Shrien “Bubba is waiting”.

Perhaps we can start a new niche tourism market, I mean murder dinners where very popular back in the day, so why not come see the big five then have your spouse murdered. The travel agency will be situated in Pollsmoor prison and you can choose from a range of packages such as 3 days in the Kruger, a tour of Soweto, Kimberly’s big hole, drive down to the west coast and along the garden route, visit wine farms and then have your spouse killed. I can see the brochure and TV advertising now “Come to SA see the big 5, experience adrenalin pumping adventure activities, drink our fine wines , meet the people and have your spouse done in” (for an extra fee of course, “batteries sold separately”)

Doug, Nici and Amber left here on Thursday, back to Gauteng for two days and fly back out to London, should be home by late Sunday afternoon/early evening. Was nice having them here, the circumstances were not ideal but we made the best of the situation. Amber is really cut and so well behaved, does what mom and dad tell her. Actually miss hearing her chase the cat around saying Kitty Kitty, but I am sure mischief was pleased that she was gone. Got to see if Doug could remember how to braai, was not to bad.

While Port Elizabeth has been great for the Dunkley clan, our cats have not fared as well, on Friday we had to have Pepper put to sleep due to a long illness. Curly girl, Pepsi or Pepperoni as she was also known will be missed. Doug and Nici took her to the vet for us (Pepper was their cat before they emigrated to the UK.) I don’t know whether a as a guy your not supposed to get emotional over the death of a pet but I seem to take the death of a pet harder than people. I was unable to be with Pepper before she was put to sleep to say good bye and thanks for her friendship….My Curly girl Rest in peace Pepper, have fun chasing all the mice and seeing your brother Snowball in kitty heaven

Did training at the harbour this week, the one lunch break I took the opportunity to climb the Campanile, a clock tower built to commemorate the landing of the settlers in 1820 close to where its situated. 204 steps on a spiral staircase is harder than it sounds, the fact it has no windows does not allow you to know where you are , so somewhere between top and bottom where my legs where aching, my head was spinning from walking in a clockwise direction and I thought I was going to cough up a lung I had to decide carry on or go back, I carried on and must say the view from the top was nice but not as nice as the view from the top of the lighthouse on Donkin reserve .

Seems that Prince Charles and Camilla’s car attacked was by students who are upset with the establishment hiking up varsity fees and it would seem royalty and their privileged position. The car was dented and had paint thrown at it…to be honest I am shocked and stunned that British subject would do such a thing. “Its just not cricket old chap”. I have a theory that somehow the British press will be able to blame SA for this, how you ask well with London almost having as many South African living in it as South Africa it could be suggested that those “used to be South Africans but cant wait to get a worthless British passport” have exported their toy toying destructive attitude so fond of Julius “what a doos” Malema and the ANC youth league.

How strange is this a South African who fled SA to the Shangri-La of Australia due to crime and him not feeling safe anymore was shot dead by a sniper while walking on a beach in that country….just goes to show you that crime and nut jobs are everywhere.

On Thursday I was interviewed by radio Namaqua (with a listnership of 13) about my book “The Clarens Chronicles” as well as Clarens itself, I was on air for about 15 minutes and some of my friends and their businesses got fee plugs. Hardest part was having to do the interview in Afrikaans, but I muddled through.

Gabby is still riding and is really enjoying where she is now getting her lessons, Kiara the lady that runs the school is also very happy with Gabby and has helped gabby improve lots over the last couple of months. Gabby is a natural horsewoman and will always have a love of horses, not just a passing fad for Gabby thats for sure. maybe oneday she will be able to own her own horse.

On Friday we had a tour of SAB and then a beer tasting, was very interesting, this SAB do quarts only (Castle, Hansa, Black label and Milk Stout) and produce 1000 000 bottles a month. The gent that gave us the tour and the beer tasting had been in Cape Town a couple of weeks back and had been to a Beer crafters fair, he had tasted Clarens Brewery beer and said it was pretty awesome……The man has taste.

Keith has kept himself busy the last couple of weeks and has even joined SAMREC the local SA marine rehabilitation centre so now Keith is an honorary penguin. Dad also according to Gabby’s boyfriend now has his own “man cave” just what you need at 71 eh dad.

Went to the Boss’s house to have a Braai on Saturday afternoon and was happily surprised to see Josie an old work colleague had flown down from Gauteng for a couple of days. Josie was the lady who ran the accounts at the office and when her husband transferred to Gauteng unfortunately Josie had to go as well. Was always fun in the office with Josie around. Welcome home Josie, even if it is only for a day or two

As from today (Sunday 12) there is 13 days left to Xmas day and I have 3 working days left before I am on Xmas holidays. That is just so awesome. I go back to work on the 10th of January.

Have not heard any more news regards the baby boom in Clarens, for which I was taken to task for by selected Clarens residents and branded a retard a few weeks back. (Some may remember my Retard Blog). I will need to contact one of my many, many many, many mates and find out what is happening regards that score. Not sure if Clarens has sorted out their water yet, but they have had serious problems with the water quality in the village….Not great for a Tourism village. I do know another friend is very happy with the outcome of a litigation process that has been dragging on for a while, so well done friend happy for you. Here in PE the water levels in the dams is a combined 32% last year when we arrived in PE (4th December) the dam levels where 46.5% (a difference of -14.5 % in a year). We need good rains and soon.

Hey Jeanelle get better soon, sorry to hear you’re not feeling well, thinking of you and know that you will be back to your old self soon (remember the Dunkley family are thinking of you)

Well that’s about it for this week
I will leave you with this gem
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman



Time to say goodbye

Hopefully its not just me that gets emotional at funerals and memorial services, I like to think of myself as an old tough sod (nice description from Doug……..Thanks bro) but when it comes to family I find it hard to keep my emotions in check. Yesterday (Saturday) was Tania, Ryan’s and Nicole’s moms memorial service and while it was a celebration of her life, the tears still flowed. Tania’s letter to her dad in particular was very touching and I was unable to stay dry eyed. After the service we all went to Schoonies and dad scattered moms ashes in an area that was one of her favourites.

I suppose one good thing to come out of mom leaving us and that has been that we get to see Nicky, Doug and Amber for a week or so, Must say Amber is very cute and I have been speaking to her to tell her mom and dad that they need to move back to SA so we can see her more often, “hopefully that will work”. This occasion has also given Doug and I the opportunity to make the peace after a few months of not talking to each other. Why you ask, well if truth be told it was 80% my fault so we have buried the hatchet, “Surgery was a huge success and Doug should be out of intensive care in a month or so” and hopefully they wont stay to much longer on the Island before they decide to come back home.

This week was also Gabby’s Birthday and she turned 14, hard to believe that my little baby is now a young woman and a beautiful one at that. Friday night we went out to dinner and on Saturday we had a cake at Ryans house, as always gabby always blows out a single candle that reminds Gabby of her birth mom and Tania and I how lucky we are to have Gabriella in our lives……its always an emotional moment for me.

Next weekend Tania, Gabby and I are in Gauteng for my Nieces wedding, I cannot wait to see the family and celebrate this day with Christine and Craig. Will be taking lots of photos and from what I can gather be having a great time.

Talking about flying I flew to East London on Wednesday to do some lockout training (no that’s not when you cant get into the house after your wife has locked you out) at the harbour. Was a twin prop 30 seater plane that was about as comfortable as getting crammed into a mini and going on a long trip. Training was good and as always I enjoyed presenting the workshop.

A couple of weekends ago we went to a Penguin sanctuary at Cape Recife and saw how they look after penguins and seals that get injured or caught in oil slicks. They had a whole bunch of youngsters in and we saw how much chaos they can cause. What is not nice to hear is that they estimate within 5 years the penguin population in SA could be extinct due to weather pattern changes as well as over fishing of areas that penguins feed. Again man making his contribution to the world ……….NOT

The Boks did it against the POMS, what a change and while there is still much to do before the World Cup it was good to see there is still life In the Bok, Victor Matfield played most of the match with a broken rib. For once the refereeing was not bad and its always good to beat England at Twitenham. What made this win even sweeter is the fact that they had a Hensopper playing for them, one Hendre Fourie from Burgersdorp who said during the week “Blood will flow at Twikenham” he was right just it was the Poms and not South Africa’s. “Must feel like a real chop now hey Hendre” Must say it really makes a difference where you are watching the game , last week Ryan and I watched the Bok/Scotland game at the Supersport pub at the casino and I think there is more atmosphere on the moon, apart from some coloured dude that was shouting for the Scots and pissing me off it was like watching paint dry, those who know me will know that I can get pretty animated at a rugby match.

Ryan, Doug and I joined the Port Elizabeth toy run on Sunday and it was really great to experience this with them as well as be able to contribute a little too so many children who do not have the privilege of spending Xmas with family and friends or even a Xmas lunch. The Staff at NOSA raised R1400 to give to the Toy run with our Head Office contributing R1300 as well. A great effort I think

Sent into me by a friend

Did you know that, the words "race car" spelled backwards still spells "race
car"? And that "eat" is the only word that, if you take the first letter and move
it to the last, spells its own past tense, "ate"?

And if you rearrange the letters in "African National Congress," and add
just a few more letters, it spells: "Shut up you free-loading, progress-blocking, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, greedy and hypocritical idiots, and deal with the fact that you are wrecking the country with your corruption and nepotism and lack of accountability and that you cannot run a piss-up in a brewery never mind a country or even a municipality."

Now isn't that interesting?

Tania’s vegetable garden is doing great and her spinach in particular is growing fast and big, will soon look like Popeye with all the spinach I am eating

Well that’s it for this week only 26 shopping days left before Xmas and I have 13 more working days before Xmas holidays……….Yipee

Have just returned from the pub to watch the Scots beat the Boks 21-17 and I do not know what or who I am more angry about

1) Lack of game plan
2) Crap decision making by supposedly good players
3) Crap captaincy
4) Crap coaching
5) Crap refereeing
6) Crap fans

Crap fans win hands down, I now believe that I have found someone else to hate more than the “Proud to be a South African but not enough to actually live in SA” and that is the “I am South African but shout for any other team that players South Africa, especially the Springboks”. Had a guy at the pub shouting for the Scots, clearly South African …………………………….

Sorry ladies and gents but I cant finish the Blog this week, this due to Tania’s mom unexpectedly passing away in the early hours of this morning (Sunday 21st). It was/is a great shock to all of her family and friends and I have always been fortunate to have two moms and dads as I have always considered Lois and Keith to be parents as well (we got of to a rocky start but my charm prevailed).

Due to pressures of the job, laziness or tomorrow is another day syndrome, I have not seen Lois for a few weeks and for this I am sorry, it has however made me even more conscious of the fact that we need to tell those close to us on a regular basis that we love them and that they mean something in our lives.

So Mom, sorry that you are gone, I never got to say thank you for allowing me to Marry the best woman in the world, thank you for bringing her up the way you did and for the love that you have always shown us over the years. I am happy that for the last year Tania and yourself had the opportunity to see each other on a regular basis and that you got to see Gabriella grow up for a year of her life. Your Grandchildren will surely miss you, but you will forever hold a special place in their hearts.

Rest in peace mom and know that when the time is right you will see the loved ones you have left behind again.


Springboks vs the Jones's

I bet a few of you thought no Diaries of a village idiot this such luck ladies and gents. The Retard is back

Seems that a few people in Clarens think I am a retard, “do I care? Not really”...........Why you ask, well I believe (as the poster says) everyone knows a retard or two in fact I am sure if I asked me mates (of which I have many in Clarens, many more than those calling me a retard in fact) we could name a number of people in Clarens that we as well as a number of other people would consider retards and besides I have been insulted by better “slow down” people than those that live in Deliverance part 2, always said that all Clarens really needed was a banjo player sitting on the Welcome to Clarens wall. I would have done it but can’t play the banjo. I am so happy to be out of the politics in Clarens having to be careful what you say and to who you say it because you will piss someone off along the way, a talent it seems that I am very good at. So let’s see what I can write about this week to upset someone in the “drinking village with a sense of humour problem”

The word retard by the way is a North American term, that deliberately insults someone with a learning disability or someone regarded as unintelligent, in the Queens English which I “spokes” it means I am a hold back, slow down, delay or a hinder. Used Thesaurus for the info)……..Retard is pronounced Reeeeeeeeeeeeee tard and not Ra tard (like Allen in the Hangover)

Well news from Clarens is that Steelwings went well, first year in a number of years that I have not run the pub which despite what I hear that some bitter and twisted residents of Clarens have said (I together with Meatbomb with assistance from Natalie Kathleen, Jeanelle, Liza, Lawrence and Sherri ) really did a good job. It would seem Meatbomb has carried on this tradition. I am sure there will be those in the village that will not agree, “but hey jealousy gets you nowhere”

Just in case anyone is/are/was wondering I do copy/paste articles that are sent to me or I see on news 24 that I think will interest people onto the Blog, I do not believe that I have ever tried to lead anyone to believe that those words where in fact my own, but so as not to confuse anyone in the future, I from now on will advise if I in fact have copy pasted any information.

So with without further ado or much about nothing or gelding your lily lets get on with the Blog (sorry just trying to sound litery, skollarly, intellingunt, cleffer laaik) yeah know its not working as I am no letter mechanic.

Boks pulled another one out of the fire this weekend with a 29 – 25 win against a spirited Welsh and Walsh performance (Steve Walsh was the New Zealand Ref). I thought I was watching a re- run of Zulu with all the Jones’s, William and even a Hook on the team. However despite the refs assistance the Bok’s held to make it 2 out of 2. Must say the first try by debutant North was definitely obstruction and if it had of been a Bok player it would have been blown as such and I want to see North’s second try again from an angle where we can see where he was when the ball was kicked ahead, because I do think he was a tad offside, no ways he could not have been ahead of the ball when it was kicked. Must say Chilliboy nearly cost us the game, with his 2 throw ins at the lineout, As far as I am concerned he should not be on tour never mind the bench. Next week is the Scots and hopefully the Boks start getting all the aspects of their game together before the England game because with them beating 35 – 18 this weekend they will fancy themselves against the Boks and of all the teams i don’t want them to lose against the Poms, they are still going on about the try that wasn’t in the 2007 final. Wales will fancy themselves against the All blacks after good games against both the Aussies and the Boks but here is a trivia question. (When was the last time that the Welsh did in fact beat the All blacks? The answer is Rorkes Drift.)

Here is another question for you, what’s the difference between a tub of yoghurt and Australia? Eventually you will get some culture in the yoghurt

The GP F1 champion was decided this Sunday with Vettel becoming the second German and youngest to win the Championship, Alonso a mere 4 points behind and if his pitting strategy had of been better then perhaps he would have won his 3rd World championship. However that was not meant to be and Vettel perhaps the most consistent this season won his first title, his team Red Bull also won the constructors title (this they achieved last week at the Brazilian GP). So the top 5 were.

1) Vettel
2) Alonso
3) Webber
4) Hamilton
5) Button

Very happy that Hamilton or Button did not win again, this will probably upset a few pseudo Poms that I know.

Probably going to sell the Triumph, there is a black guy down the road that wants to buy it has offered me a good price. Seen a nice BMW in local dealer that I may consider buying if he does buy the Triumph or may buy another scooter.

I see that upset students in London went on the rampage attacking the Conservative party HQ as well as set fires near houses of parliament and clashing with the police who with their intensive training probably said “now listen, don’t be a naughty child” apparently the fees for colleges varsity etc are being tripled, about time they paid for something over there, no wonder the country is actually bankrupt. And to think there are people from SA that still aspire to be Poms. What’s a Pom you may ask, well here is a CUT AND PASTE piece of info from GOOGLE that explains what a POM is and there are a number of interesting theories, here are a few AS CUT AND PASTED FROM THE ARTICLE THAT I FOUND BY USING GOOGLE. (please also be advised that spelling mistakes, tenses, punctuation or lack thereof are from the article writers themselves, and this Blog word mechanic or would be word mechanic cannot be held responsible)

1) There are a wealth of inventive and equally unsubstantiated stories of the origin of the word pom (you will no doubt get lots of answers about 'prisoner of her majesty' etc) but the only really likely answer I have ever come across was that it's an abbreviation of pomegranate, referring to the colour that the pasty Englishmen turned in the antipodean sun when they spilled out of the ships for the first time.
2) It's an abbreviation of Prisoners Of Her Majesty. The first Englanders in Australia were convicts.
3) Prisoners of Millbank. A prison in London used as a holding tank before the people were transported.
4) It actually originates from the hundred years war, when the French called the British "pommes" (as in pommes de terre) because they were always eating potatos.
5) Growing up in Australia, I surmised that POM stood for Poor on Manners, because they were always winging (that's pronounced with a soft "g", Fred) meaning that they were always complaining about how awful Australia was and how wonderful good old England was superior in every way. Other immigrants were grateful for a new life except the Brits!

Well that’s about it from this Retard this week other than to say “I don’t know who told him but Hee Hee”


Brighten up the sky.....................

Friday was Guy Fawkes night (5th November) did any one you know celebrate it?? as a kid in the UK it was a big thing bonfires, roasting “tatties” potatoes for those posh readers and lighting roman candles, jumping jacks, spinning wheels rockets fired from milk bottles and making mayhem. In the UK the adverts would be on for fireworks and one in particular sticks in my mind “Do you remember the 5th of November, brighten up the skies with Standard fireworks”…NO problems about traumatising cats or upsetting the neighbours because they as well as their pets where at the bonfire celebrating as well.

Guy Fawkes Night may be associated with merry making and nice and alluring fireworks but the truth is this event is commemorating a very sad event in UK history. This particular event only highlighted the embittered relationship between Catholics and Anglicans. It was the night when a small group of Catholics (fanatics) tried and almost succeeded in murdering all the high ranking officials of the Land during that time. Luckily the attempt did not succeed and the plotters were then hunted. Gay Fawkes last days were very bad. He died shortly after being captured. This event is just one classic example of irony and religions.

Must be Xmas season as the celebrity books are coming out.

One from a person who was supposed to be a role model to kids, but is in fact a dope smoking, wife beating, whore chasing cheat………….Surprise surprise. Herschel Gibbs book “To the Point “ already caused a stir before it was even released this week as it alleges that

Gibbs (36) shook the cricketing world on Sunday with allegations in his autobiography, To The Point, about sexual orgies, alcohol and drug abuse during some of the team’s tours. He also alleges that a “clique” made up of Smith, Jacques Kallis, Mark Boucher and AB de Villiers causes division in the Proteas dressing room and makes it “impossible to develop positive team spirit”.

The other book is from ex Proteas coach Mickey Arthur
Johannesburg - The South African cricket team faces further controversy next week when former coach Mickey Arthur's autobiography is released, according to daily newspapers on Saturday. Arthur reportedly blames former international fast bowler Makhaya Ntini, who retired from international cricket this week, of accusing him of racism while he was in charge of the South African team. Also this week, the Proteas were rocked when batsman Herschelle Gibbs released his autobiography, entitle To the Point, which reveals sexual orgies involving other players and details his problems with alcohol and marijuana. Arthur's book, Taking the Mickey, is set for release on Monday

So Mr Gibbs and Mr Arthur I am sure your books will sell out (just in time for Christmas….shrewd move), not because people want to read about your thoughts on cricket or ??? but to read about your peccadillo’s or dirt slinging ……Really a pity especially for you Mr. Gibbs as you where a great batsman, awesome fielder (ok apart from the time you dropped the ball and basically lost us the World Cup, but then again Allen Donald forgot to run, so who to blame, who to blame)

It was not just H.G that has had a bad week it would seem that the President that was moulded in the image of JFK a one Barack Obama also has had a crap week.

Washington - US President Barack Obama faced a bleak political landscape on Wednesday after voters punished Democrats over high unemployment and a sluggish economic recovery, delivering a divided Congress in Tuesday's mid-term elections. Republicans pushed Democrats decisively from power in the House of Representatives and strengthened their ranks in the Senate, a result that could herald legislative gridlock when the new Congress takes power in January. Republican control of the House will weaken Obama in fights over the extension of income tax cuts set to expire at the end of the year and over efforts to pass comprehensive energy or immigration bills. "The ability of this administration to get major new programmes done was already limited. This just seals the deal," said Jaret Seiberg, policy analyst with the investment advisory firm Washington Research Group.Television networks projected Republicans would pick up at least 60 House seats, more than the 39 they needed for a majority that would elevate conservative John Boehner to House speaker, put Republicans in charge of House committees and slam the brakes on Obama's agenda. Charges levelled at Democrats. The Republican wins surpassed their sweep in 1994, when President Bill Clinton's Democrats lost 54 House seats, and was the biggest shift in power since Democrats lost 75 House seats in 1948. Republicans have portrayed Obama and his Democrats as big spenders who have recklessly run up massive deficits. The charge seemed to resonate with voters. "Our new majority will be prepared to do things differently," Boehner told supporters late on Tuesday.
I see that Julius “Baas ted” MALema and the ANCYL are looking to close down Twitter because there are “reactionaries” using Jm;s name to make him look like a fool……”Got news for you Julius, you managed that all by yourself” here is an article I copied from news 245

Johannesburg - Twitter users were in stitches on the social networking site on Thursday morning following the news that ANC Youth League leader Julius Malema wanted to close it down. Tweets kept rolling in by the minute, with international news websites such as BBC, also picking up on the story."Julius Malema wants to shut down Twitter?" Hahahahahahahahahaha, best joke4 2day," several users commented in reply to a post by 5fm radio jock Gareth Cliff. "Today is create a juju malema account day... do it... you know your red sockes (sic) want to.... lol!" user EarleneBSmith said. Garethdv added: "ANCYL to close down Twitter... They truly are a bunch of gifted individuals!"ImpersonatorsAnother, kerryannerogers, pointed out grammar mistakes in the African National Congress Youth League statement: "In fact ANCYL statement called for 'closer of Twitter' following 'cretation' of fake accounts. Was that so we'd know it was the real Malema?" The ANCYL said on Wednesday it would call for the closure of Twitter if the social network administrators did nothing to stop Malema impersonators. "We will look at ways of stopping this... Even if it means going to the police," spokesperson Floyd Shivambu said. A search of Malema on Twitter reveals 12 users including Julius_Malema, JMalema, Julius_S_Malema and jujumalema. Of the 12 users six bear the picture of the firebrand youth leader. The impersonators continued their work on Thursday morning. One user, named JujuMalemaOZ, offered black empowerment "tips".'Terrified'"Julius Malema empowerment tips#10 Friends = comrades, badguys = Agents, opposition = cockroach and Jonny walker = yebo yes! "Julius Malema empowering tips#9 Agents are everywhere, use a helmet to block brain scanners, no need for me, no brain to scan," the post read. Another impersonator, called julius_m_jnr, wrote: "Trying to help Daddy find the Pedi word for 'satire'... Any help plz, how do I explain it to him? #malema." "Funny We may just have found the ANCYL's weak spot. They're terrified of Twitter. Let's ALL start fake Julius Malema accounts!" Someone else suggested

News from Europe is that Greek terrorists are sending their Xmas presents early to avoid the seasonal rush.
European counter-terrorism officials were on high alert this evening after suspected Greek terrorists unleashed an unprecedented two-day wave of parcel bombs targeting embassies in Athens, international organizations and foreign leaders both in Greece and abroad. By tonight, at least 11 letter bombs had been detected in the Greek capital, one addressed to Nicolas Sarkozy and eight to the embassies of Bulgaria, Russia, Germany, Switzerland, Mexico, Chile, the Netherlands and Belgium. Greek police said international postal and parcel services would be suspended for two days. In Berlin, German authorities destroyed a bomb addressed to Chancellor Angela Merkel. The package was sent from Greece two days earlier by UPS delivery and resembled the Athens parcel bombs, according to German interior minister Thomas de Maizière
Sport this week/weekend was interesting

New Zealand Beat England (as expected) 26 – 16. Australia beat Wales 25 – 16

Proteas lost the 4th one day test against the Paki’s and this now leaves the game on Monday as the decide, “A final if you will” and we all know how well the Proteas do at winning finals. Sri lanka beat Ricky Ponting’s men again going 2-0 up in the 3 game series, the first game Sri Lanka where down and out but a huge record 9th wicket partnership saw them win. Ricky Ponting as pointed out to me by Ryan has taken the Aussies from number 1 to number 4 in the world rankings. The Warriors lost big time on Friday, not doing to well without their Protea players

The Game however that everyone was worried about was the Boks vs the Irish and what a game, but before I get into that I need to make a observation, Yesterday Ryan and I where at the Golden Duck Sports bar and as the SA national anthem came on Ryan and I stood to sing (as we are proud South Africans) most people sat. What hit me though is that after 16 years of Nkosi Sikelele Africa not many white folk know the words and generally hum the tune until the Afrikaans and English verses come on and then sing with Gusto. But the younger generation don’t even sing the anthem that I find disheartening, but anyway onto the game

Many, me included expected two things to happen in the game

1) We would lose
2) Bakkies would be sent off

Neither happened, in fact Bakkies was very low key and just did his job, Ruan Pienaar also did a pretty good job, I think the refereeing (as in the NZ/Eng game) was atrocious with no consistency, we where in control for most of the match except the last 10 minutes where we nearly managed to grab defeat from the jaws of victory as Ireland went from 23-9 to 23-21(and it was only the upright that kept the draw at bay) The Boks controlled the last few minutes and wound down the clock for a hard fought but well deserved victory, I unlike Helium do not believe that now we have beaten the Irish we can win the World cup, it’s a platform for us to build on and with 13 A team Boks on the injured list a good effort.

The penultimate GP of the season the Brazilian GP has not started as yet but the pole position was taken by Rookie Nico Hulkenburg of Williams who have their first pole position since 2005, 2nd on the grid is Vettel, followed by Webber, Hamilton and Alonso.

Well that’s about it for this week next week I am training and wil l be going to Mossel bay with Ryan and the Boss to attend a client function and to present the environmental play to those clients. Office is busy this week with 3 classrooms full so will be a lekker week.

Have a great week


The days of disco and motorbikes

The roar of Harley Davidson Motorbike engines is audible even though I can just see the first outline of the pack on the near horizon. Heavy metal, leather and chrome. As they come into town – the distinct “potato potato” sound of the exhausts sends parents looking for their children, dogs barking and windows vibrating in their frames. The ACDC song TNT pops into mind ‘Lock up your daughter, lock up your wife, lock up your back door and run for your life…………………”

These are people you don’t want to mess with. A gang of leather clad outlaws that remind me of movies I watch of the old West. Just near me they park their metal steeds and one after the other switch off their engines (the silence is almost disconcerting) and prepare to dismount, scuffed and road worn leather boots kick out side stands like flick knives and as the desperado’s shake off the dust from the long trip. I am in awe and speechless as I wait on my Chopper bycicle, not sure if i should sat or pedal like hell to get away.

This is the first memory that I have of motorbikes and the reason that I ride bikes today, but let me take you back…………………If you where the average standard eight schoolboy perhaps the one thing that played on your mind the most in those years was “will I be getting a motorbike” and what would it be. Why was this so important some of you may ask, well a “fifty” was more than just a mode of transport it was my passport to “coolness” it was a teenagers equivalent of a Ferrari 308GTB for some fifty something “poser”. It represented many a teenagers first uncertain steps to manhood and freedom; visions of fast bike and loose girls clouded the mind.

My first bike was not a brand new “out of the box” Suzuki RG 50 or a green Kawasaki AR 50 (the green one was cool) but a second hand “in the box” Honda SS 50, seriously it cost a princely R50 00 and comprised a frame, three checkers packets as well as a box full of parts, the money having been earned working in a local steakhouse, (but that is a story for another time).

To say I was disappointed when my dad took me to collect the bike is an understatement, his words “it’s a project that will not only bring us closer together but will let you understand the engineering of the bike” had no meaning as my immediate dream of donning a open face helmet and a pair of goggles seemed to disappear faster than you could say “Freddy Spencer” (who was the eighties version of Valentino Rossi) the two nights I spent polishing wheel spokes was almost enough to put me of motorbikes forever, but I am proud to say that my dad persevered and while I watched TV he not only got the bike running but it looked almost new, it was not quite as fast or cool looking as the other bikes mentioned, but it was the most beautiful piece of machinery that I had ever set my eyes on. Not that I knew how to ride it and if you had a dad like mine, “everything had to be done properly or not at all”, so it was of to the local field and after a few hours of shouting, swearing and crying, (yes I am not ashamed to admit that my dad cried) I was able to keep the bike in a straight line and change in to second without falling off, or crunching the gearbox in to oblivion.

Roadworthy was a breeze, but then it was the big test of getting a learners licence, now in those days the traffic cops looks were menacing and I am not sure if it was because of the uniform (big black boots, black jolper pants tucked in to the boots, khaki shirt and an a official/amptelike cap) or the fact that none of them could speak the queens English very well, or in some cases at all. I remember one particular officer telling my mom after she had parked the wrong way in a one way street (in her defence we had only been in SA for about a month) “ R lady you’s R not in England now hey”, my mom re-payed his kindness of not giving her a fine, by riding over his feet about a month later, while he was performing traffic duties on a road near our house, it was the first time I had seen a traffic cop break dance, but with my mom driving a large Ford Taunus, it would not be the last.

As luck would have it my moms favourite cop was the gent giving and marking the learners test and I have to say even in the early 80’s Rooineks where still not the flavour of the month in Vanderbijlpark, in fact I think we where still being blamed for the camps that Kitchener had set up in the early 1900s that saw so many innocent women and children (black and white) die unnecessarily. It was therefore with great trepidation that I paid my five rand, had my eyes tested and was ushered in to a room with about thirty other pimple faced short haired 16 year old hormones on legs. If I remember correctly the exams where a tad easier than the current K53 and one question that sticks in mind was. “You are allowed to stop at the side of a national highway if”

a) You want to take your dog for a walk
b) You have an emergency breakdown
c) You want to have a picnic

As you can see the questions where tricky and that was probably the reason that twenty-four of the thirty failed the test, “really hard those multiple-choice exams”. I arrived the traffic department on a bicycle, but with a motorbike at home that could do 80kms an hour “with a tailwind down a mine shaft” and now some brain dead government official had given me a licence to ride it on public roads. I was now officially one of “the Manne”. 80kms an hour is fast especially if you have been riding a bicycle most of your life, but once you get used to that heady speed you start looking at ways to get more speed out of the machine, the easiest and cheapest method was to find the longest downhill stretch that you could, open the throttle and lie as flat on the bike as possible, with this method it was possible to get it an extra five to seven kms per hour on the clock, “I know I also used to wonder, why did they put 100 kms per hour on the speedometer if it could not get anywhere near that”.

Most of my friends looked at ways of permanently “souping” up there steeds, ideas included adding additives to the petrol, like cooking oil and methanol to converting the engine with cylinder heads being ground, sprocket ratios being changed, and fairings being added. None of this really helped, but we did it anyway.

One thing for sure is that during those years the different manufacturers where able to create a bond and a loyalty between themselves and there customers many an argument was had about which bike was the best, I was a Honda man and took a keen interest in Super bikes (the CBR1100R was doing well) and the Grand Prix series, with Freddy Spencer being the man. I must say that the Disco era was a lot kinder to bikes than cars as to me the Bikes from the late 70s and early 80’s are almost iconic.

The Honda lasted (if you can call it that) until matric and Tania can still remember me visiting her at home on the bike, that at times would not start and I would have to run up and down the road to try and jump start it and pray on the way home that it would not stall, not exactly “Leader of the pack stuff”

In those days after school the cheapest mode of transport if you had started work was a motorbike with many people going from a 50cc to a 650, 750, 1100 or even the huge 1300 with many a friend hurting themselves and writing the bikes off due to them being ridden like a 50cc (something that you could not do). I went from riding a Honda SS 50 to a Suzuki GT 185 and after I had been knocked off by a truck near Kyalami Ranch that necessitated a number of stitches and a new bike I bought my pride and joy, the Shaft drive Honda CX 500C , I loved that Bike and looked after it like a new born baby. Tania and I went everywhere on that bike and although I had a couple of accidents on it, (side swiped by a car, me hitting back of a car and a taxi hitting the back of me) it was a awesome bike…………..Then bought a car and I sold the bike, not to own another for a number of years and then I bought a 1981 Honda CB750F That I managed to wreck on Robbers pass during a Redline Motorcycle Rally, I had it fixed, chopped and changed but again did not ride it as much as I should have and sold it.

It was not until a good number of years later while living in Clarens that I bought a Chinese scrambler to use around the village (called it the LEGO bike as everything snapped off it, “not on it”, but it did the job) I was then lucky enough to acquire a BMW 650 Dakar and loved that bike as it allowed me to explore the area on as well as off road. I then swapped it for my 1996 1200 Triumph Trophy (the Exocet missile on wheels).

I often wonder how many of my friends and teenagers of the early 80’s still ride today, hopefully all that left the biking scene when they got married and had children are riding again today. Today I alternate riding a 150cc big boy retro scooter for the traffic in Port Elizabeth or the 1200 Triumph Trophy that when I need to clear the head I take out of the garage and head down a coastal road and as I ride I often think back to the day I first set eyes on those men and women, the impression they made and the gift they gave me. My mother always used to tell me “never judge a book by its cover” so when you see a leather clad biker don’t turn and look for the nearest exit, walk up say hi and you will be surprised at who that person really is and how friendly they actually are.

Why Socialism does not work

What a profound short little paragraph that says it all....

"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my friend, is about the end of any nation.”
You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."

~ Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931

What is Socialism? Some of you may be asking, well the uncomplicated answer would be the following

1) “A political theory or system in which the means of production and distribution are controlled by the people and operated according to equity and fairness rather than market principles.

2) “A political movement based on principles of socialism, typically advocating an end to private property and to the exploitation of workers”

So ladies and gents let it never be said that the diaries of a village idiot are not educational

So how was my week what did I get up to??

I trained this week and must say was not the best training I have experienced. I have not assessed their papers yet but from just glancing over the papers late Friday afternoon I have a feeling that a few of the have not made it, which really pee’s me off because as a facilitator you put so much effort into training (well many of us do) and try and guide students with regards what could be coming up in the assessment (short of giving them the questions or the answers) and they still either do not listen or don’t care. When people fail I feel like I have failed because those people that have sat in front of me for 3 days surely must have taken something in and learnt at least something. Contrary to popular belief you dot get found competent and get issued with a certificate for just attending. You do in fact have to put some effort in the process and actually a) listen in class b) do a little homework or revision work.

Not far from where I was training is the ‘informal trading” part of PE, with many PE residents saying you should not walk through there as it’s dangerous. Well over the one lunch time I decided to take a walk and see for myself, I don’t know if its because I lived in Clarens for so long but I never feel out of place or threatened in an area like this, in fact I find the opposite to be true, I enjoy the buzz and the chaos that seems to touch everything, the smells and the colours, I mean where else can you see a dude with a shopping cart filled with bread competing with cars and taxi’s to get across a traffic light, where else can you see a traditional Sangoma shopping at a Dischem, where else can you see people selling pots ,pans, potatoes and lounge suits on the pavement?. This to me is the 3rd world South Africa that also makes the country what it is, some people hate it and feel that its dragging us into the abyss, but I think its part of the countries makeup and I have always believed treat people like would want to be treat you and rarely do you pick up a problem. You also need to be streetwise and keep an eye on your six (behind you) so that you do in fact not become a victim of crime.

This weekend was also Rugby weekend with the EP kings playing the Puma’s at home on Friday night to win a place in next seasons Currie cup, well it was not to be the first round was drawn 36 all but on Friday the Puma’s won 48 – 29 but what a night, the Nelson Mandela Bay stadium was packed to the rafters with EP supporters and the vibe was electric, Vusi one of my colleagues at work has never been to a Rugby game before in his life so he joined Ryan and I at the game. We had awesome seats behind the posts and the “ever shy” Village Idiot managed to start a Mexican wave that went round the entire stadium 4 or 5 times (not something you get to do every day). Ryan and I went by scooter and took us 15 minutes to get home , while some people where stuck in traffic for a couple of hours………….”That’s why we ride scooters”

On Saturday the Sharks played Western Province for the Curie cup and it was a “I don’t really care who wins” game for me but have to say that The Sharks outplayed WP much like WP did to the Cheetahs 2 weeks ago. They played WP at their own game and must say that I like Patrick Lambie and hope that he can do as well in a Green and Gold jersey. Speaking about Green and Gold the team to play Ireland, Wales, Scotland, England and the Barbarians from November the 6th has been announced and must say think is a well balanced squad there are a couple of players that I feel are unlucky not to be picked and we still have a number of regulars out of action that where not considered for the tour with Fourie du Preez to me being the one player we will miss. Its vital we get to beat the Irish in the first game as this will set the tone for the rest of the tour a Grand slam would be nice but to be honest as long as we beat England at Twickenham then I will be happy. I presume many Saffers will be dressing up waving the flag and shouting for the Boks on the tour, at some stadiums it may even feel that they are at home with the amount of Green and Gold that will be on display. So I suppose we need to say thanks to all those Saffers that have made the sacrifice to live in Europe so that they can in fact give the Boks support on this tour.

Tania’s veg garden is really doing well with Spinach, lettuce, tomatoes, parsley as well as a number of other vegetables and herbs.

Can’t get used to the amount of accidents that you see as well as traffic lights and stop signs etc that have been mowed down by “Whacko’s behind the wheel.” On Saturday on the way to Ryan’s to watch the Currie Cup final I must have missed an accident by 5 minutes.

Sunday the weather was better than Saturday so Tania, Gabby Stephen and I went to the beach for a picnic, decided to go to Sea view about 15 kms away. Also popped in at Kini Bay (where the poor people live) ad spent a little time there, Gabby Snorkelled a little bit and we saw a Humongous Jelly fish, seriously big.

Well have a great week and don’t for get to shout for the Boks against Ireland next Saturday.



saving petrol , saving money

Petrol prices continue to fluctuate meaning that car travel is taking a larger portion out of each of (Y) OUR salaries.
Simply paying a bit more attention to your car can reduce these costs.

Purchase your petrol when it's coolest outside such as in the early morning. Petrol becomes denser in cooler temperatures. Since petrol pumps only measure the volume - and not the density - you'll get better overall more for your money by purchasing petrol when it is cool outside rather than in the heat of the day. Religiously check your car's tyre pressure each month (make sure to purchase a good-quality dial-type gauge for yourself -- pencil-style gauges and the ones mounted on the air hose are unreliable according to surveys).

Tyres that are under-inflated reduce fuel efficiency by as much as 3% for 0.1 bar (2% per pound) they are under-inflated. Under-inflation also causes premature tyre wear giving your tires a shorter useful life. Also be careful not to over-inflate as this will also cause premature and most likely uneven wear of the tyres which means you’ll also need to replace them sooner,
Slow down and drive at the lawful speed limit. Cars use about 20% more petrol driving at 110 kilometres per hour than they do at 90 kilometres per hour.

Avoid using air-conditioning whenever possible. Air conditioning reduces fuel economy by 10% to 20% depending on your car’s engine size, etc. Use the air ventilation system instead,
Don't drive with open windows or sunroof when travelling at high speeds. Open windows on the highway can reduce fuel efficiency by 10%. It's much better to use the ventilation system,
Remove roof racks and other items that make your car less aerodynamic when they're not being used. Leaving them on only makes your car less fuel-efficient and costs you money.

There is no need to let your car idle. Even on cold mornings, cars don't need to idle more than 30 seconds. Newer cars are designed to be driven almost immediately and letting your car idle is a waste of gas. It's more efficient to turn off your car and turn it on again than to let it idle for more than 45 seconds while waiting. Remove all the excess weight from your car. Many people use their car boot and back seat as a storage space adding unneeded weight. This unnecessary weight reduces the car's fuel efficiency by about 1% for every 45 kg.

Use cruise control whenever you can, especially on highways. By maintaining a steady speed, you will improve your petrol consumption. The next time you are in the market for tires, consider radial tires. They can cut your fuel bill by 2-3%. Check your filters and catalytic converters regularly, especially if you drive a lot in areas with a lot of dirt roads and / or windy conditions. They should be kept clean. Dirty filters increase fuel consumption by as much as 10%.

Use premium multi-grade oils to save on your fuel consumption and be sure to change your oil regularly (refer to your car’s manufacturer’s instructions) taking the driving conditions (dirt roads, etc) into account. Fill your tyres with Nitrogen: Used in Formula 1, Military Aircraft and even the Space Shuttle, being inert (cannot catch fire or explode), it is the safest best possible tyre gas, Tyres inflated with nitrogen run between 10 and 15% cooler – cooler tyres means tyre life is extended by up to 20%, migrates slower than air through the tyre wall, so tyre pressure stays constant for longer, you can still fill up tyre with air as an air and nitrogen mix will not damage your tyres, cooler tyres are on average safer tyres.

Be aware what your car is costing you:

According to the Automobile Association of South Africa a petrol passenger car with a purchase price of between R 125,000 and R 150,000 travelling between 20,000 and 25,000km per year with an engine capacity between 1500 and 1800 at a fuel price of R 5.00 per litre costs on average R 2.33 per kilometre travelled. This means if you travel 30 kilometers (you’ll be surprised as to how quickly it adds up), that trip costs you R 70.00.

The above takes all factors into account such as maintenance, tyres, etc. The reason that you do not see the above spend on a daily basis is that some costs like the tyres, maintenance, etc are deferred costs, so plan and limit your trips to a practical minimum.

Ensure that your car’s insurance is up to date:

Investigate all insurance products that is offered in the market place such as “pay per kilometre” (if you are not driving a lot), “insurance for women drivers”, etc., it is important to insure your car to the correct value for your peace of mind, but to over-insure costs you money. Check your car’s retail value at least on a yearly basis and adjust your insurance value (insurance companies tend not to do this for you and you can understand why – bigger premiums means more money for them).For South African readers, go to and click on the vehicle finance link. Then choose car value estimator under Calculators. Follow the steps – it is easy to use.
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