"Best days of my life"?

Ever said to your kid/s wish I was back at High school, best days of my life, all you had to do was collect pocket money from your parents and make sure you passed your exams, not exactly rocket science. Seeing Gabby go to High School this past 10 days has me thinking, thank goodness I don’t have to go through that Zoo again, first of all I don’t think I could carry the bag around the whole day, Gabby’s backpack feels like it should be used for Recce selection course its so heavy and there are the different groupings, the hoodies, the hips hops, the jocks the nerds etc etc, “was it like that when we where at school? ……must have been”. Must say though attended a parents evening on Tuesday and the headmaster is my type of guy “NO not I that sense” he is an old fashioned take no prisoners headmaster and the team around him are committed to the kids, feel Gabby very lucky to have been accepted, he was saying they had 800 applications for grade 8 (std 6) and only 208 where accepted, the size of the classes are around 26 pupils and for a government school they have an academic, sporting and cultural record of note. Gabby seems to have fitted in a lot better this week, making more friends and generally settling in, so that is good, Gabby also looking forward to the Valentines day dance and she also goes on a 2 day camp beginning of February.

Talking about high school, those who attend are mostly teenagers and as those of us that have a teenager know they can at the best of times be difficult and most days you are 2 inches away from becoming a murderer, my sister Karen has been through it, got the T shirt, DVD and has a Thesis on the subject of raising a daughter through teenage years, so I bow to her superior knowledge on the subject. I would like to share with you an e-mail she sent me after I had sent her photos of Gabby in her new school uniform and told her how Gabby’s first couple of days had been at school.

he he he – next week or so…sorry for you… next few years or so. Welcome to “teenage world”, that’s right where everyday is a surprise. Daily rides on the emotional / hormonal rollercoaster, where every parent is an idiot and does not know what they are talking about. Play the I hate school / love school game and try count the changes. Daily games of “what mood are we in today” and advance level, lets guess what mood you in today. Once you have progressed though level 1 – you get additional obstacles like boys, dress sense or lack there of, curfew time setting and the most popular “but my other friends can / are allowed”. Level 2 and 3 are varied but guarantee surprise curveballs around every corner.

Fear not – at the end of teenage world – you get to sit back and enjoy your prize – you’re back to normal, human behaving child whom you love and cherish. You also have time to go to the hairdresser and have those grey hairs dyed, try and recover from you increased alcohol level intake, or repair the holes in the doors and walls that you kicked in through sheer frustration… heheheheh” Welcome friend, Welcome.
(Thanks Sis Love you lots “I think”J

One of my favourite songs at the moment is Nicklebacks “If today was your last day” it’s a awesome song and I really like the words, so if you haven’t herd it try and do so, its up there with Creeds “With arms wide open” It also happens to be Victoria Parks school song for the year and if you listen to the words you will see why.

On to completely something different, used to be you could turn up at the airport 20 minutes before takeoff and rush through the boarding procedures to get on the plane just as it was bout to taxi out of the boarding area with the rest of the passengers applauding that you had actually made it, those days are long gone, thanks to the “Kaboom” boys who have decided that using planes is a good way to get rid of tall buildings or military installations, now thanks to them you have to be at the airport 5 hours prior to the actual flight, now if you take into account that you have to pack the car, negotiate traffic get into the airport itself and locate the check in counter its possible that this procedure will take almost as long as the actual flight. Now they even have X ray machines that can see the passenger Naked, now this could either be a good or a bad job, it just all depends on who or what is going through the scanner. I mean I would want to be on duty that the Miss World Pageant contestants, the Victoria secrets models or the last 10 years Playboy centrefolds came through but would not be happy if it was a Weight watchers convention or candidates for the latest “Biggest loser” TV show. How does it work? does it go down to the skeleton, does it just go down to the underwear (now that could also be interesting) or does it just pick up dangerous items suck as nail clippers, knitting needles, spear guns, thermo nuclear devices or parker pens? that have been secreted in cracks and crevices around ones personage…. “Sorry sir is that a Sam seven missile in your pants or are you just happy to see me”? I got a feeling that if one of the black post boxes go through this new machine they will see the sexiest Victoria secrets or La Perle underwear………….well what else they got to spend there money on? They certainly don’t bedazzle or accessorise the outside of their boiler suits, so it stands to reason they wear sexy underwear……. I can see the shop slogan now “Look like a sex bomb on the inside and a hydrogen bomb on the outside”.

Ryan said I should be careful as I might be seen as anti – Muslim with all my negative press about them and he has a point. I live in a double story building its white and we have an airport near us ………ring any bells? I now have set up an early warning system and the guy in the microlite that I peppered with paint balls last Sunday will not be back in a hurry……..that I can tell you.

Then you have to ask the question how do they scan or screen those ladies who look like a black post box, I mean if you hold up their passports how can you be sure a) it’s a lady b) that it’s the same lady in the photo. I mean how does a customs official ascertain that the eyes looking bout of the slit in front of him is the same in the passport? This brings me to a question that I have not quite had the nerve to ask a Muslim who does wear the black letter box outfit “how do you deliver babies”? Women can’t be doctors so it has to be a guy………”So he cannot look at her face but can catch an eyeful of down south”? or does he deliver the baby blindfolded and use Braai tongs to secrete it from its cave “hey its Bin laden”, then if it’s a girl how do you show the relatives…………..”Oh she is so beautiful and she has got all of our eyes”. Ok enough of that, I think I can hear a microlite buzzing the house.

Traffic in PE “SUCKS” big time the record last week was a 40 minute round trip to get Gabby to school and get back home. well on Monday smashed that record as it took me nearly 1 hour to do 8kms just to get Gabby to school, 4th day in std six and she was late, took 20 minutes to do 1.2 kms. The record as to the quickest time it has taken there and back is 25 minutes, learnt the earlier you leave the faster you get there and 5 minutes does make a world of difference. For those wanting to visit PE all you need to remember, especially if you come from a small town, dorp or village is that to drive in PE you just need to keep foot on accelerator and hope that the other person has theirs on the brake, because people just drive, forget about letting people in it just does not happen. Also this side of the Fish River the navigator and money collector of the taxi spends his time hanging out the passenger seat window shouting a passers by looking for fares while the driver honks the horn incessantly ………not normal, think it’s the wind actually, just knocks the “Tor” right off its access.

For those who know Tania you will know that she can drink tea, in fact Tania has gone from Currie cup level to full blown International status, we bought a new mug for her T the other day and I was making Tania a cup, boiled water in the kettle , threw a T bag in the cup and started to fill the cup up, when the mug was about quarter full I had to re-fill the kettle………I think I am just going to adapt the kettle so that we can boil water and make T at the same time, it has got a handle and I just need to adapt the lid so that it can go on and off. If there is ever a world championship tea drinking Olympics Tania will be South Africa’s Gold medal winner. We received an e-mail from 5 roses the other day thanking Tania for her continued support and that they had named a new T plantation in Ceylon after her.

I see Pele has said that Nelson Mandela can help with security issues surrounding the World Cup in June , but he is afraid that something may happen to him because of his age (91) while I do not think Madiba himself could do anything about the security situation, “I mean is Pele suggesting that we put him in a security uniform and send him to a border post” I do believe that if he were to die over the World Cup this would be the worst case scenario for FIFA, Tania and I were talking about this very subject last week and wondered what would happen. They could not stop the tournament “or would they”?

I was reminded by another reader of the Blog that the pole dancer should actually have read “Pole Polisher”, my apologies to all dancers out there for sullying your profession by suggesting little man could in fact dance………now that’s a woman/man that should be wearing a Burka…………”Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuugly”

Came across this sign in PE…………………….. “I was confused……..what about you”

This also came across my desk from a mate, I JUST HAD TO INCLUDE I AS ITS SO FUNNY. You have just got to love Africa

Made a D.I.Y (destroy it yourself) bird feeder last week, actually came out Ok and has not fallen apart of been condemned by the Pigeon building inspectors. “Well not yet anyway”

Did you hear the story of the 5 year old that took the wrong bus on the first day of school and disappeared for 6 days until some dude who found him took him to the cops. Now the best thing is, is that his Grandma did not report him missing for 2 days. I have a couple of questions

1) How can you let a five year old go to and come back from school on a bus by itself, especially its first day of school?
2) Why did the teachers not question the parents as to why he was not at school second and third days?
3) How can you not realise that he is missing or if you do have nothing to say about it for 2 days
4) He apparently does not speak English or Afrikaans, so how the hell is he supposed to tell people other than those who speak his language that he is lost

The best part is his name is Knowledge Shabalala………….”Go figure”

Signed the giant Bafana Bafana shirt, that is touring the country “well the material they will be using to make the shirt”, its going to be able to fit a few people I know as its going to be 64 x 36 meters in size. I wrote “One team one country, good luck from the Dunkley family” talking about the World Cup do you know what the mascot for 2010 is called and if so what it stands for? Well let me educate you, his/her name is Zakumi with the ZA for South Africa and Kumi meaning 10 in Swahili.

Talking about the World Cup, Maradonna landed in Gauteng this week and the report on TV said he was the person who revolutionised the game of football………..how? by getting God to come and play with him after all was it not the very same man that used illegal tactics to score against England in the 1986 World Cup and then when asked about it said that “It was the hand of God” …..have to admit though his second goal was just sublime, but I would not say he revolutionised the game.

I also see the Poms are at it again, Slating South Africa, some company in the UK is offering stab proof vests to soccer fans who are coming to the world cup, did we not just have 20 000 cricket fans here that had the time of their life “and we managed to beat them in the last test, just 2 wickets and we could have had the series 3-, but lets not harp on about that”………I have joined a local cricket club and want to play for the under 86 F team…… hopefully going to be playing in the social league and looking forward to it. Practise was hectic as they had me running around that field and catching balls that had been launched so high that they had ice on them when they came down. They asked me if I wanted to bat but the one dude was bowling faster than Slinger Malinga, so I respectfully declined. Turns out I had been practising with the Super league team. I heard one guy say “this is so hard when I was 17 it was ok but now I am 34 its getting harder” I think he is the oldest on the team so I am only 13 years older than he is. I was so tired when I got home I fell on the bed and woke up the next morning.

Carrying on with those stab proof vests, perhaps they should hand them out to fans who’s teams are playing against England as the Pommie yobo’s are notorious for causing KAK when they go to another country. Started to wonder what a stab proof vest is in Afrikaans and came up with either “Steek bestaande vrokkie” or “Steek vry trui”

Job Hunting this week as been so so, my mate Meatbomb has just landed himself the best job in Clarens, managing and running Clarens brewery, not only is it the best micro brewery in South Africa he will be getting free beer………..lucky swine. I sent my details to a company looking for extras for a tourism video they are doing for the Bay, so hopefully I can make some R out of that, reminded me of the Pasta advert that a number of Clarenites got involved in last year, was great fun.

Was sitting and looking at a Mc Donalds FIFA world cup countdown this week and this particular one was 142 days 15 hours, 23 minutes and 07 seconds I then had this real deep thought “should I have the normal Big mac or Supersize it”? ……….nah just kidding I thought what if each of us had a clock like that with what is left of our lives on it how would we live our lives then……would we be more conservative of live life to its fullest…………….”Would you like to know if today was your last day”?

I see that Idiot Julius Malema has been at it again, this time (and I don’t know the full story) it would seem he was caught hiring a yacht for R5 000 an hour not to long ago and his excuse of this excess was that he has an obligation to show the poor masses in SA that if you work hard (get lucky and know the right people is what he should have said) then you to can afford such luxuries and get the taxpayer to foot the bill……”what a saint you are Julius, thank you for the sacrifices you are making on behalf of the poor, perhaps you could go and give lessons to mother Theresa, as I am sure she has been doing it the wrong way round for so many years…………”what a Pratt”

Went to watch The Free State Rugby team play an EP invitational team at the new soccer stadium on Saturday with Ryan, good to see my team in PE. What was supposed to be a “training session” for the Cheetahs turned out to be a very close game with the Cheetahs only sneaking in 13 to 9 winners, they did not impress me and hopefully they will improve for the Super 14, otherwise they could be propping up the log. I will be doing my Health and Safety course practical on Tuesday, think I will do ok, Ryan ha really helped me with this. He is a trainer and consultant with NOSA, I know this will probably give him a big head but that dude knows his stuff when it comes to health and safety and I predict that he will go very far with NOSA unless I can of course persuade him to set up a business together when I have got enough experience.

One of the reasons we came to PE was for Tania to spend quality time with her parents and her mom in particular, yeah I know what your thinking as the husband your supposed to live as far away as possible for the mother in law, but as many of you will know I get on really well with my parents in law and I am proud to call them mom and dad. I think that moving here is paying off as Lois has been doing mosaic with Tania at the house and its nice to see them together I know that Tania enjoys it and I am sure that the strong bond that they already enjoy will only get stronger with the special one on one time that they spend together as mother and daughter, because no matter what anyone says it does not matter how old your mom gets you will always be their boy or girl.

Can you imagine receiving a letter from your family in the UK on the 21st of January and in it tells you how the weather has been and then “oh by the way your mom died on the 2nd of January” cant happen I hear you say…….wrong because it happened to my dad, His mom dies on the 2nd and his sister did not pick up the phone on the day it happened or before to say his mom was sick, no this shining example of humanity and supposedly family decided to sit down make a cup of tea and write a letter. Now don’t get me wrong I did not like Mrs Dunkley at all and did not even consider her as a grandma she did not like us for reasons that this Blog will not go into, but surely my dads father or his sister could have called him to say hey your moms sick or on the day she died phoned to say she had passed away. I hope that one day you get to read this and feel ashamed of yourself Pam………..what a cow you are and typical behaviour from your side of the family.

I got an e-mail last week saying “leave the Poms alone …….or words to that effect…….well guess what, not “gonna happen”. I see that the British Government is issuing Visas to South Africans to study in the UK, even if they have failed matric, I think that just proves my theory that the Island is a wasteland of useless people streaming in from all parts of the world wanting to earn pounds and get that passport that will give them the riches or free healthcare, the dole, free housing and free money, forgot to tell you that if you have a baby in the UK you get 250 pounds from the government to put in a savings account so when it reaches 18 the massive 0.0000000000000000000000000001 percent interest rate has made it a whopping 250 pounds and 37 pence. If that news becomes general knowledge in Africa it will empty in a month and the island will disappear under the frigid Atlantic ………. As old Frankie would say……………………………………….. “Start spreading the news”

On Sunday was invited by the MOTHS to a service at the old Russell Road cemetery to commemorate the life and death of James Langley Dalton (acting assistant commissary) at Rorkes drift and one of the 11 VC winners of that epic defence (22 and 23 January 1879).

Quote for the week is from General Mac Arthur: “Whoever said that the pen is mightier than the sword has never encountered machine guns”

Well got to go and remember there are only 137 days left before the start of the World Cup.


The “Ex” village idiot

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