"Soppi Koppi”

The Binnelanders (the inside grounders is the literal translation, but means people who live in the interior of a country) invasion of PE has begun with the number of foreign number plates (GP. MP and FS) having significantly increased in the last couple of days, the fact that cars are now doing u turns, driving at 12 kms per hour and just stopping for no apparent reason also tells us that outsiders are in our midst. At least they can’t walk 4 abreast down the middle of the road like they do in Clarens.

What is a “Soppi Koppi” I hear you ask well it’s from the Afrikaans “pasop jou kop” or in English “mind your head” as this is what the dads in Clarens told the kids sitting on their shoulders as they walked into a shop, this was then colloquialized as here comes a “Soppi Koppi” and you then knew that that person was not a local.

I made up some flyers for the Binnelanders using our beaches this year, thought I would share with you 

1)Don’t swim in the sea - More than 99% of shark attacks happen in large expanses of water, also known as oceans. AN easy way to tell if you’re in an ocean or not is to taste the water- it will taste like salt  2) Swim alongside fat people - Make sure you always have a fat person next to you in the water, odds are you will be able to swim faster than them thus increasing your chances of escape. 3) Sun block - replace the sun block of the person next to you with BBQ rib sauce. 4) Don’t go in the water without a knife - as soon as you spot a shark start stabbing the person next to you and as soon as they are bleeding swim away as fast as you can.  5) Listen carefully - every shark has a theme song - if you hear da-dam da-dam da –dam then swim for your life, If its fast like this - dadam dadam dadam then stop swimming – you’re screwed.

Seems that this gent was lucky and did not follow any of the rules that I suggested above, however he was in a kayak fishing so perhaps I need to set some new rules for those people as well.

A Kayak angler has survived to tell his own shark's tale after one took a nip out of his boat, the Herald Online reported on Thursday. “The shark came from underneath me, the same way it klaps (hits) a seal. I never saw him until it happened," Werner Coetzee, 35, told the newspaper about the encounter which took place just off Noordhoek in Port Elizabeth just before dawn on Wednesday.

Coetzee said after the great white shark emerged out of the water it knocked him and the front of his boat so hard that he was flung up into the air. "I have a Pinnacle kayak which takes a big punch, but he knocked me and the front of the kayak about 2.5m minimum out of the water,” he said."My kayak and all my tackle weigh 38kg and I weigh 102kg - so you can imagine." Coetzee said when he landed back in the water, his kayak landed next to him but upside down.

"That was when I saw it was a shark. It was about four metres long. He was just a few feet away from me, biting into the front of the kayak."“We eyeballed each other and I saw him change his attention from the kayak to me." Coetzee said he then started pulling himself onto the hull of the boat. “I lay there for about a minute, although it seemed like much longer, waiting for the next hit. But it never came.” Coetzee said the shark moved away - probably because he did not regard the fibreglass the kayak was made out of as a delicacy. "He obviously didn’t like the taste of fibreglass and that is why he moved off.” Coetzee said two of his fishing rods and his sunglasses had not been as lucky as he had - they disappeared during the attack.
Spent a “lui lekker” (lazy nice) week collected a gym on Monday and had some tea with Ryan etc.................A gym you say what you going to do with a gym? Well I am going to get Buff so I can look like Arnold Schwarzenegger (oh hang on I already do, I mean have you seen pictures of him lately?) that’s why I want to exercise. Tania says I am having a midlife crisis as I want to get fit, I seem more interested these days in sports cars (especially cabriolets) and want to get a tattoo.........maybe she has a point.  

Tuesday was a trip to Sards with gabby and a few of her mates, wind was a tad “breezy” but we had a pleasant enough time sand boarding and getting sandblasted. A couple of spectacular wipe outs by myself and another guy called Stephen had the onlookers laughing as we ploughed up the sand with our faces. One wipe out I landed on my ass so fast that I thought I had spent the night with Bubba (not a lekker feeling I can tell you). you may think that you cannot pick up speed on a board down a sand dune, but let me tell you it all depends on the following 1) how well you have polished the bottom of the board 2) how steep the sand dune is and last but not least how far you lean back to pick up speed. You can go from 0  - 60 faster than it takes for a Los Angeles cop to pepper spray Rodney King     Rest of the day was taken up chilling by the pool and sucking down a millers or two (okay it was 3)

So Kim Jung (whatever) the 2nd , the dictator of North Korea died suddenly, no one seems to know why. Well the Village Idiot may not be a Dr but I do know that lack of breath is usually the reason. All I can say is that its not been a good year for dictators, tyrants and terrorists  - Bin Laden, Gaddafi Bob (ok he did not die but he was seriously pissed at the Nando’s advert) and now Kim Jung, just show you that becoming a despot cannot be a good “Korea” move, get it “Korea/Career”   move.............Yeah I know “assume the position”  Barrack has done soooo much better than GW Bush in ridding the world of dictators. Not that he had anything to do with 2 of them but I am sure he will take the credit, after all its re-election time soon.  I see that the Yanks left Iraq on Tuesday and by Thursday the rag heads had stated to blow each other up (65 dead)..........”Ah well you can take democracy to Iraq but you can’t make them like it”, watch this space the Kurds and the Sunni Muslims will be killing each other at regular intervals and Iraq will slide back into the days of the Stone age................like it or not they need a dictator to keep them in line. 

By Thursday the shops in PE were pumping with a capital P. We went shopping for last minute items and for Xmas lunch in the morning and I swear that shops put the prices up of produce on purpose over the festive season. I mean R18 for 6 lychees “are you Frikken serious” Gabby wanted some Cherries so we took a handful (was 300g) and cost R40............WTF, Gaby was told to eat them sloooooooooooooooooowly.   
Friday woke up at 10am.............yeah I know lazy sod. Rest of the day was taken up by going to a couple of shops and then just chilling, Tania baked for Christmas day and Gabby worked on her Bitch Book.......Don’t ask. 

Christmas eve day (Saturday) I again woke up at nearly 10am then took a leisurely stroll to Walmer mall (about 1.5 kms from the house) to buy bread that we need for Xmas lunch. The mall was pumping and it’s amazing to see how many people leave Xmas shopping up to the last minute........Xmas trees, decorations, toys etc etc. Must say was a nice festive atmosphere to the mall with a number of people dressing in red or wearing Santa hats or antlers (each to their own). On the walk back it struck me that while our Northern Hemisphere cousins are used to shopping in outdoor markets I do enjoy the fat that on the walk back to my house at the side of a busy road you can buy wood, fruit, Nguni cow skins, Bali sarongs, wooden garden furniture and even bongs.  Tania and Gabby prepped for Xmas lunch and I drank a millers or two. 

Had Xmas Dinner at Ryan’s with the family and then today we woke up (not sparrow’s fart for a change........that’s one joy of having a older kid and we don’t work in the hospitality business anymore), we don’t have to get up early cause Santa has arrived. Opened pressies spoke to the family in Gauteng and then got ready to host the family for Xmas lunch.   Must say while nice to have the PE family here we did miss seeing my Family in Gauteng and Nicole, Doug and Amber who are in London. 

Seriously pissed off with Post Office, the parcel we sent to the family in Gauteng they will only be able to get next week as the post office they use is classed as an outlying (read too small to bother about) and the parcel we sent is now waiting in Germiston to be dispatched, my dad offered to go and fetch it but that’s not allowed.    

Hoping to have 12000  hits on the Blog by December 31st, so tell any friends out there that want to broaden their horizons to read the Blog.  

Anyone who reads this Blog and lives in London here is going to be industrial action on the underground so don’t go on the tube on Boxing day in the UK otherwise you could be standing on the platform with your finger up ur ass till new years. Was apparently 11 degrees in London on Thursday (thanks “Acudoug”), reports of island dwellers running to the nearest common or park and stripping to skivvies, socks and sandals were rolling in all day.........we celebrate Christmas in July they were celebrating Summer in December.

Why is the 26th of December called Boxing day (In SA  Boxing day was re-named  Day of Goodwill in 1994) is it because all the family get together on that day, drink and end up boxing each other? Nah not for all families, let the Village Idiot educate you......................  Traditionally, 26 December was the day to open the Christmas Box to share the contents with the poor.  In the UK many poorly paid workers were required to work on Christmas Day and took the following day off to visit their families. As they prepared to leave, their employers would present them with Christmas boxes. During the late 18th century, Lords and Ladies of the manor would "box up" their leftover food, or sometimes gifts and distribute them the day after Christmas to tenants who lived and worked on their lands. (Wow that was so nice of the Lords and Ladies of the Manor). In Southern Australia the 26th is called Proclamation day, in Namibia its Family day and in Ireland Boxing day is also known as St Stephens day. 

So who was St Stephen you may well ask, well again let me edumacate you all    Stephen lived in Rome and was the first man to be killed for believing in the teachings of Jesus. His story is told in the Acts of the Apostles 6: 1 to 8: 2. Some people claim that he shares this day with another St Stephen, who came from Sweden. St Stephen of Sweden is the patron saint of horses. You may also have heard of the Christmas Carol “when  good king Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephen”?  
This cartoon was published 1n 1999 that’s 12 years ago and the question as my good friend Danie asked on his Facebook page is ......”So what has changed”   

So to end let me take this opportunity to wish you and your loved ones a Very Merry Christmas  or as they say in Talugu:   మెర్రి క్రిస్మస్ !!

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