"Whathavi Bin Drinkin"

Need to introduce you to a very dangerous man that has recently moved in to Clarens. His name is “Whathavi Bin Drinkin” and he is a suicide drinker with his speciality being “Jaeggiebombs”. He is a good mate of “Achmed the dead terrorist” and Bin Drinkin can often be heard shouting “I Drink YOU” in a shrill voice. We suggest that if you come in contact with him that you “Buy him a drink immediately”.(see picture 1)

Have you got favourite photos I have many, due to the fact that I as well as good friends seem to take plenty, however like me I am sure there are a few photos that you have taken the trouble to frame or display prominently in your home (see pictures 2, 3 and 4) 2 is special to me as it was Gabby’s 4th birthday and as you can see there are 5 candles on the cake, we always put an extra candle on the cake as that is the one that Gabby blows out last, its to remind Gabby of her birthmother, this photo just makes me feel that I am so lucky to have a wife like Tania and a daughter like Gabby picture 3 I like because it shows a lot of the family together, it was taken at Pretoria zoo, many moons ago and in the picture is Jesse, Christine, Tania, Gabby, Tania, Me, Ryan, Kirsten, Rebecca, Nicole and Douglas. 4 is the first time i ever gave my dad a lift on the bike.

Al Tiley’s memorial service was on Wednesday at the NG Kerk and what a testament to the man that the church was full to the brim. I also think Al would have enjoyed the get together at the Post House after the service.

Rugby at friends is usually the highlight of the week, however this Saturdays was just Awesome (pity we got a hiding), this is thanks to player 24 who with good mates from Clarens celebrated the birth of his son Nathan “player 25” “What a party”, Thanks Gordon we had a blast. Neil also came to the match we thought that his mommy would say he could not come out and play after last weeks over indulgence. I think I can speak for a number of people who watch rugby at friends that I would rather watch the rugby there than go to a live match, “you got to know how much fun it is to say that”. Did not stay for the after party as I had to go home!!!

On the subject of player 25 we have heard about him and seen pictures (could they have been photo shopped?) but not had the pleasure of meeting him yet, hopefully we will do in the near future and confirm that there is in fact a player 25.

Seems my good mate Mark has been rude and using the Fat word indiscriminately, “Shocking I say” some of my favourite people are Rotund, Please mark refrain from using that word when joking with your friends, some may take it the wrong way, “use it don’t use it, just food for thought”

Got sent an e-mail the other day with funny signs seen in SA , picture 5 is to me the best.

Don’t know if you remember but Kathleen and I were fired from the local magazine a few months back because we had the temerity to say it was crap and that the new editor was even crapper (and we were proved to be right). Kathleen has been asked to write for them again by the owner, heaven knows “they are in need of a decent writer or two” No I wont be asked as part of my e-mail firing (yep, not even face to face after years of friendship and taking hits to the head for the shit) and I quote

“I had the decency Steve, not to comment on the way in which we have had to work on your articles in order to get them into a readable form”. Your services to Speckled Bean are no longer required”

This despite the fact I am often asked by locals when I will write again. I know that part of asking and kissing up to Kathleen is to try and drive a wedge between the friendship that we all have, something I do not think a certain individual has ever experienced “Oh sorry he has, it was us before we (Tania, Mark, Kathleen and Stephen) got booted in to touch”.

You may feel hey he is “Pissed OFF”, well you would be correct and here is why. FRIENDSHIP is sacrosanct to me, my dad always told me that you will have many acquaintances but true friends you will be able to count on one hand, guess what?? he was right. Friendship to me is like a marriage or a relationship, you have good times and bad times, you laugh, fight and cry together, Good friends in fact become like family and like my family I stand up for and protect “friends” fiercely, even when wrong “hey that’s what friends do”. I however do not take it lightly when a supposed mate kicks you in the teeth or tosses you aside for expedience sake or for the chance of a SHAG. If my friends and I get a sincere apology (but it would have to be all of us or nothing) then I will be man enough to accept it and move forward, until then It will be business as usual.

My wife tells me that that’s not the Christian thing to do. Well then I have a long way to go as a Christian as I don’t subscribe to being kicked in the teeth and then being the one to apologise, I tend to feel that the person who has kicked should get off their ass and take the initiative, As far as I am concerned it’s either all or nothing in this situation. I know that some people may take exception to this, but that’s how I feel. I am not a half-hearted type of person, as I have said it’s either all or nothing.



Here is part 3 of “Time upon a once”

Fender called friends to his crib and told them that they must stay out of his affairs, when it was pointed out to him that only a short while back he had told them and whoever would listen that TLM was evil and manipulating he denied that he had uttered those words and fought with them, he said they must have misunderstood his words. TLM did not like Fenders friends, as she knew they were SOOOOOOOOOOOOO suspicious of her and when in the past Fender and his friends would enjoy a drink and a chat at one of the local eateries, now she kept him to herself.

A weekend away produced a problem that not even the cleverest villager could solve, it seems that there was a problem trying to get 79 in to 44 and the weekend as well as the relationship ended before it even began “or had it”? While the friends rejoiced at this news, Contaminant Dwarf and his associates Ink and Rubber dwarfs cajoled her to go back to Fender so that they could hatch their evil plan, TLM would just have to “take one for the team” so now she was looking for someone who could help her put 79 in to 44 and consulted the greatest mathematical minds, but even they could not get the two numbers to merge. Another strategy had to be planned…………. To be continued

Seems certain young ladies in the village need to beware as there is a ‘hunter” in town that will have to remain nameless, as if I mention the name all will know who it is. I don’t know what it is about men who have long passed there sold by dates that women Way Way Way younger than them would like to jump their bones. Now I know there are ladies out there that have father figure issues, but I have never heard of a grandfather figure crush, “have you”? And believe it or not certain young ladies do in fact sleep with older men to get Flat screens and cars “Now where have I heard that before” are yes “Confusion” used to espouse this theory in a certain publication, I do sometimes wonder how the career of this pole polishing “giver of wisdom” is coming on at “Wys jou Muis”


Had a good chuckle to myself on Thursday, was listening to OFM and they were saying a survey had been done as to were the most violent place was at present and believe it or not that England came out tops, ‘Yeah I know, brilliant isn’t it” all those people who have left or want to leave to the Good old UK cant use the excuse “we are leaving here because its safer over there”. Seems that there are 2600 incidents of violence per 100 000 of the population and in SA it was around 1700 incidents per 100 000.


Well that’s it for this week, I look forward to an interesting few days and hopefully by next week I will be able to tell you if like Castle lager “Friendship does stand the test of time”



The Village Idiot