“What’s the funniest thing you have read in a newspaper or magazine, even a book for that matter? Not to long ago I came across this pearl of wisdom in some backwater publication and it reads “You are born you live and you die, but not always in that order” So what order is it then? I mean do people actually get paid to write that drivel.

There is a wager going around at the moment as to what month the local tourism publication will come out, “June she gone, July she going”, so who knows maybe August, if I was an advertiser I would be the “Moer in” wouldn’t you? Mountain Post came out again this weekend, “regular like clockwork”, “well done Donve”. I wonder how she is able to do it all by herself perhaps she could be hired as a consultant to other publications in the country to show them how its done. “Just a suggestion”

You will all be happy to know that after reading last weeks Blog that Mark has seen the error of his ways and has agreed not to use the words fat, rotund, obese or Telly tubby for a while. Well done Mark, “it takes a Big man to do that”

We had HOG in the village this weekend as well as a number of Lamborghini’s, great for the village and its economy. The Harley Owners Group Pretoria weekend was arranged and coordinated by Gordon Jeffries (Player 24) from Engel and Volkers, what was particularly nice about this is not only did they bring in much needed tourism revenue they also brought with them heaters for a local school as well as blankets, clothing and educational toys. Monies were also collected from the auction of wire motorcycles that will be used for the local Clarens Intermediate school, as well as Skills for Africa. Well done HOG Pretoria and well done Gordon, you even managed to do it all by yourself, how clever you are :-))

What I found interesting about this event was the complete absence of certain people /s who espouse the community should be working together to bring in tourists and much needed revenue in to the village, it would seem however that unless the event has been arranged by or through the self acclaimed Minister of tourism for Clarens then its either a non event or not worth covering. While I have to agree that there needs to be a tourism forum and that many heads are better than one we also need to understand that any event or initiative to bring people in to Clarens should be supported even if you have a personality clash with that person/s or they don’t advertise with you. If you espouse the fact we need to work together then “do as I do , not do as I say”.

There have been rumours that drugs are sold in Clarens, so we decided to send in an undercover investigator to one or two restaurants to see if this is in fact true, the shocking pictures shows a local pot head smoking his pot in a public place, as well as one partaking of coke (we believe this particular establishment has fridges full of coke). W also have heard that there is a business in Clarens that supplies crack………… and lots of it. We are on the lookout for this supposed crack dealer and the village idiot as well as his intrepid side-kick will keep you informed

Received a photo of a recent Potjie competition, not sure where it was held, but one or two locals may have been there as the picture incorporates 3 of the 4 food groups they enjoy together “women”, alcohol and Potjie” all that was missing was a band.

Free State lost their first game of the Currie cup, so seems they are carrying on with their great form from the Super 14, lets hope that they can do better than end last in the Currie Cup as well.

Love seeing the village busy with tourists but one thing that drives me mad is when they walk in the middle of the road with not a care in the world, whole families holding hands and sauntering past the square. I understand that as a person that comes from the city enjoys the novelty of being able to walk in a public place unmolested, but roads are for cars and sidewalks are for people’s.

Lawrence and sherries bottle store’s renovations are coming on a treat and will be the place to be seen when its finished, Think they will show that a bottle store in a busy village with great exposure can in fact “if managed properly” can in fact make money.

Saturday night was Pictionary and without going into to much detail the boys (Stephen, Mark and Lawrence) got handed a can of “WHOOP ASS” once again, think next time we are going to have couples playing against each other “now that should be fun”

Here is part 4 of “Time upon a once”

As Fender and TLM got more and more involved the more she poisoned his mind against all his old friends in the village and Fender started to become known as “Island”, the more this happened the more she suggested to him that it would be a good idea for her to help him with his business, Island was taken in by the rumours she was in fact an entrepreneur and had made lots of money in the past by selling seed to other Scows, Island was excited at this because he wanted to buy a special toy that would remind him of his youth and he felt that with TLM helping him he would be able to buy this toy. One day the sheriff “I shot” came a calling and had to take away things from TLM’s shop because she had refused to pay for a service provided by another villager, this caused much glee in Gollumnia.

With TLM’s business now in tatters, for Islands business to become hers the first order of business was to sow seeds of dissension in Islands mind about his loyal employees as well as people who had stood by him in times of need , she then started to collect all the vital information that was needed to wrest the company away from him, all the while calling him “sugar pops” and “big daddy”, pretending she cared for him. It was at this time that she started to ask people to call her “Confusion” as she felt that she had been given a calling as a philosopher and even published a book “spelling mistakes and all”. Confusion also started a column in tasteless publication where she gave advice of the sexual nature for frustrated women, this probably because she herself was sexually frustrated as there was still no way that 79 could fit into 44. One by one the loyal employees started to leave and she put in positions of power the people that were loyal only to her such as “Tattle Tale Dwarf “ and “Changed My Language Dwarf”. Apart from acquiring the contacts, business plans and contracts she also upset all of the customers and they started to stop buying Islands product. And before he could wipe “Ye Olde Turd” out of his eyes he was sitting on the riverbank blabbering like a delusional old fool, wondering what had happened to him.

He roamed the village calling on old friends and employees, but one by one they just turned their backs and closed the door in his face, Island had not only burnt his bridges he had blown them in to the next fairy tale and now was alone while TLM and her cronies opened another business that was very similar to the one they had just acquired and became very very successful. But perhaps the biggest shock was when Confusion came out of the “dressing table” and confessed to all of Gollumnia she was actually a man, the very next day a few of the locals including Island could be seen rinsing out there mouths with disinfectant and visiting Penicillin Dwarf for a jab of anti-seafood.

It was not long however that Island “previously known as Fender or Tainted dwarf” had found himself another younger body to harass, she had been wandering in the swamps looking to save Swamp Swine and Island who had made his home there for a while decided to make this princes his “Precious” But more of this later……………

Had the love child of Hannibal Lecter and Mrs Darth Vader here this weekend. (see picture 4)

Book coming on very well and hopefully the photographers will send their info soon

Well that’s about it from the Village Idiot for now, enjoy your week

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