Village Idiots go Global

It used to be that Village idiots had an influence of “if they were lucky” a few miles as time went by they managed to increase their sphere of influence. In fact it’s rumored that a Village idiot in Nottingham forest actually invented the “Fox machine” you tied a message to a collar attached to the Fox and sent it to an address that the Fox had no idea where it was, needless to say the original Fox machine was less than successful. Now we are able to influence public opinion from vast distances……………………”Love it “  
Had to take an unexpected trip to Umtata this week to do some training, so I hopped in the car on Thursday afternoon for the 6 hour trip to Umtata. However just before East London I got a call to say Umtata had no electricity so I would have to stay in EL at my favourite guest house Tindale Lodge.

The upside is that I did not have another 240 kms to do that day which meant a leisurely trip but the downside was that I would have to leave “sparrow fart” on Friday morning to get to the venue, “Dans country lodge” some 22kms yonder Umtata itself.
I did manage to take a few photo of scenery of items that I often want to take off, but because I am always in a hurry or the weather is kak, I don’t stop, the weather was great, the traffic was light and better yet the road between Port Alfred and the Fish river was almost pothole free, which makes a pleasant surprise.

The plan was to wake up early and head for Dans, I woke up earlier than expected as it was so hot and humid in East London on Thursday night that I was skinny dipping at 3.30 am, so by 4.15am I was on the road. Trip was uneventful but hit Umtata at early morning “freak show” where you feel like you’re part of a live play station game that  puts the elements of Frogger, Need for speed and the Walking dead  together. Traffic lights mean nothing, stop streets even less,  lines on the road are merely to break up the monotony of a black surface. 

Got to venue, set up and I bump into Jacob Zuma, yep “Mr Nkandla himself” seems he had some official engagements in the area (open a school, kiss babies, shake hands) he and his large security contingents that include a bomb squad member, drug and explosive sniffing dog etc etc. was just sort of mulling around and he came round the corner with a couple of security staff (he was on his way to breakfast after his Dr had tested the food to ensure was safe)…………………paranoid? “me thinks  so”

I think I may have taken the security by surprise as I walked up to JZ stuck out my hand, said “good morning Mr President, I hope that you have a good day” , he shook my hand and said “Steve you and I really need to get together to talk about how I can clean up my act and do better as President”…………. OK he said  “Thank you same to you” . I then immediately stepped back and checked my pants to ensure my wallet and cell phone were still there……………..Just joking I didn’t have my wallet .

Training was meant to start at 8.30, but I had not been told that in that part of the world that they have turned back their clocks by a day, so I started at 9.30 with only half of the delegates (the rest could quite possible be stuck in the traffic in Umtata). Training went well and I then had to drive back to EL. 

Reg number says MAL (Mad) 6  - very apt
Well, all I can say is that if you put an American, Aussie or Pommie traffic Cop in Umtata/Butterworth/Idutwa for a day they would probably commit suicide before their shift is over. I am sure no I am positive) that 80% of those that drive in the former Transkei do not have drivers licence’s and if they do then they bought them. Once you cross the Kei River all rules of the road go out of the window and while going to the venue had been interesting going back to El on a Friday afternoon was an “Experience”
Friday afternoon traffic in that part of the world is like Charge of the light brigade meets fast and furious 1-6, traffic is hectic and it does not help that when you get to Umtata half of the traffic lights don’t work, but then again when they do work the drivers don’t look at what colour is showing. Then from Idutwa there was thick mist which at stages was like driving with a blindfold on due to the fact that many people either don’t have lights or hazards or have “super hero powers” of being able to see through mist add to that anything with legs attempting to outdo each other by running across the road (very much like a live version of Frogger) the mist lasted until 50km past Butterworth. And it  took me 45 minutes to get through Butterworth due to traffic volumes and total lack of regard for traffic rules.

One guy forced his way past me and then not 5 meters past me pulled over to drop of a passenger, another came flying past me a after sitting on my tail for a number of kms and then after they had almost killed themselves, me and 43 schoolchildren playing a game of football on the side of the road then proceeded to drive at 45 kms, until I could get past him.  Needless to say my middle finger was given frequent exercise and my voice was hoarse from voicing my opinion regards people’s heritage and brain capacity. ………………………..Drove back to PE on SAT am , left at 4.30 am and saw an awesome African sunrise.

Seems that Michael Schumacher who was placed in a medical coma, will in fact not come out of it, Medical experts looking after him say that he will be in a coma all of his life, so I suppose the question is do they unplug him or not. What’s your opinion?

I start with my first SAMTRAC course of the year tomorrow, so I am hoping to start off well with a 100% pass rate and a couple of distinctions from the class.

Have a great week


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