Wake up and smell the coffee

Well this week has been a roller coaster of emotions and culminating on Saturday as if someone had hit me in the stomach “was going to say nuts, but thought that may be rude”. The lady buying our house did not get her bond, so now with less than a month to go before the Dunkley family depart for the Eastern Cape we find ourselves with no house sold, removal company booked and if the gent in PE decided not to rent us the house with option to buy then also Homeless. So you can see how we are feeling at present. This of course courtesy of the banks “especially Nedbank” who initially approved the bond but decided due to some arbitrary condition that some Wanker at Head office felt was not ok cancelled the approval. “So thank you very much Nedbank, you can be sure that if you were the last bank in the world I would hide my money under the mattress”.

I am not sure how I feel to be honest, seriously pissed of springs to mind as does apprehensive, scared, anxious, suicidal ??? ……. Perhaps all of that and more, what I am however sick of hearing is “Its been done for a reason” well the only reason I can see at the moment is to screw the Dunkley family over. Thank goodness that I have such a great wife who is level headed, strong and has faith for both of us, otherwise I probably would go “Mashuga” So apart from this ecstatic news what else has been happening In the life of the village

First I need to apologise to Chris and his wife Sigal (new owners of the Millery bakery) as the Braai we had at Werner’s house on Saturday is also at their house and I did not say that, So Chris my apologies we had an AWESOME time at the Braai at Yours and Werner’s place. Werner and Chris have started the roastery at the willows lifestyle centre (the first I believe in Clarens) and on Saturday the first beans were roasted and coffee brewed “and nice coffee it is indeed”. I believe that this will be a great asset to the village and the smell of freshly ground coffee will have hordes of customers coming to the centre for Coffee, art, Freshly baked pastries, a drink (a bar with a huge deck is being built) this is going to become the place to stop when in Clarens. So well done guys good luck and sell lots of beans”

On Friday I had to go and collect the car from Bethlehem and decided to take a taxi from Clarens, now I have been in taxis on a number of occasions (due to conferences wanting to use for transport in the village, Shebeen tours etc) but never as a paying customer who was taking a specific journey. I was pleasantly surprised, the taxi was comfortable, had a steering wheel “I checked” played some really nice background music and was driven by a lady. The trip to Bethlehem cost me all of R10 00 and it was actually nice to sit back and watch the scenery go by without the hassle of driving. I will definitely do it again

Well I did not win the R33 000000 Power ball jackpot, which is a pity due to house selling fiasco but some lucky sod did, hopefully not some rich plonker that does not need the R but someone that the money will make a difference to and that they themselves will use some of the R to improve the lives of less fortunate people. I was day dreaming the other day as to what I would do with R33 000 000 and wow one thing is for sure I sure as hell wouldn’t work again. Just take the time, sit back and think about what you would do with R33 000 000.

Started a “you’re the chop” award and the first recipient of this prestigious award is none other than “drum roll please, The Village Idiot”…………. Yes myself and why I hear you ask ?

1) Dave Green who is on Holiday in Thailand and probably having his whole body massaged by some Thai lovely as I write this bought a weed eater before he left the garden technician decided to put in the gut that cuts the grass , but could not put it back together, he asked me and I also thought there was a part missing and basically Kakked him out for losing the part. I took the manuel and part to a dealer in Bethlehem a mere 35 kms away and asked for the part, the two ladies looked at me strangley and showed me how to screw the part on, Of course Wolverine was there and he called me a Prize Chop, hence the awards name.

This week I also had to tow a trailer backwards for 2 .5 kms to my house , as I could not get the trailer on the back tow hitch due to the water bowser frame covering the tow bar. I got a few strange looks I can tell you.

Currie Cup final at Friends was probably my last Big rugby game with the crew and even though the Cheetahs lost, it was Brilliant, what a fantastic atmosphere and well worth giving up Box tickets to watch it at FRIENDS “THE BEST RESTAURANT IN CLARENS” what was perhaps better than anything was the fact that old mates got together and had fun. We had tickets printed and took a number of photos as well as making a video. Perhaps the best chirp of the day was from that ever quick witted Danie Crowther who after the game came up with this gem “All Blue Bulls Supporters will soon be converting to Juadism, because Jonothan Kaplan had a great game for the Bulls” So from the Village Idiot, ‘Thanks to all that attended this and all the other games we have watched together, I am going to miss Friends and the Clarens Rugby supporters club, but know that Mark will carry on without me and keep this unique club going in the years to come” As you can see Wolverine and I managed to get a lying down photo in as well.

Saturday was also Halloween or as they say in Sef Africa “Hello Ian” day, it’s were you get dressed up to look really ugly go around and greet everyone by saying Hello Ian.

Someone sent me a photo of this small specimen caught at Mossel bay, now you can be assured that should I ever find myself in Mossel bay and I want to swim, I will be looking for a pool that is a few kms inland, as that has to be the biggest Guppy that I have ever seen.

Reading a article printed a few weeks back about Clarens one of the long time residents (born here) interviewed made mention that “I know fewer people here now than I ever have in my life” and he is right there are people mentioned in the article that I don’t know and many who seem to have moved into the village that you do not recognise when told that they are residents.

Took a book out from the library called Challenging history Europe 1890 – 1990 by John Traynor and its fantastic, the book is about challenging what is perceived to be the truth about history regards certain events of that time and highly recommend it to anyone even the slightest bit interested in history, I have not been able to put it down. Well worth a read.

Is it me or are there others out there that hate this new program Top Travel with Jeanie D and some other dude that looks he should be on the cover of GQ. I mean why don’t they use ordinary men and women to do the shows, average South Africans not some chick with huge breasts the voice of a man and a male model, why cant Tant Sannie from Brakpan and Stoffel from Waterval Boven be the hosts, and visit places that the average South African can afford such as Brakpan raceway, Gold Reef City, Ushaka marine world (for the more affluent Boksburgers) and Crochet doily world. My wife tells me that they show these exotic destinations so those of us that the average baked bean eating just managing to survive South African can see what life would be like if we had of been successful or been given free shares to become the BEE partner of some large corporation, to me its not real and I hate the fact that some twat is getting paid a fortune and having the holiday of their lives and then rubbing it in my face on national TV.

I see that they premiered the “This is it” Michael Jackson rehearsal movie all over the world early Wednesday morning SA time. As my wife commented “how to revive a flagging career, die young” James, Dean, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson are perfect examples.

The Clarens Police have advised residents that there is now a ZERO Tolerance crime policy in force in the village, I witnessed this incident only 3 days ago (see photo taken at great risk to myself) 3 residents were cooling themselves of in a pond that just happened to have a no parking sign next to it, seems the police were called and they arrived to tell the residents to “Duck Off” the exchange got heated and the 3 residents then told the police to go and get Ducked and hot tiled it out of there, the police have ???

Had to have car serviced this week and was told by the KIA agents that the car needed brake pads, ok I said I need them so lets fix them, well a few hours later I get a call to say the brake pads have to bee flown in from the Kia factory overseas and will only cost R1400, as you can imagine my first word where “WHAT” followed by are they flying first class and been given massages……….to which the reply was a giggle from the other side of the phone. I have made other arrangements.

For those who are interested in military matters Remembrance day will be on the 11th of November, here is a little about the reason as to why its celebrated Remembrance Day – also known as Poppy Day, Armistice Day (the event it commemorates) or Veterans Day – is a day to commemorate the sacrifices of members of the armed forces and of civilians in times of war, specifically since the First World War. It is observed on 11 November to recall the end of World War I on that date in 1918. (Major hostilities of World War I were formally ended at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918 with the German signing of the Armistice.) The day was specifically dedicated by King George V, on 7 November 1919, to the observance of members of the armed forces who were killed during war; this was possibly done upon the suggestion of Edward George

Corruption and greed is not just a SA phenomenon, see this e-mail I received this week

Harry Truman was a different kind of President. He probably made as many, or more important decisions regarding our nation's history as any of the other 42 Presidents preceding him. However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the White House.The only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which was in Independence Missouri. His wife had inherited the house from her mother and father and other than their years in the White House, they lived their entire lives there.When he retired from office in 1952, his income was a U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him an 'allowance' and, later, a retroactive pension of $25,000 per year..After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves. There was no Secret Service following them.When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined, stating, "You don't want me. You want the office of the President, and that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people and it's not for sale."Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to award him the Medal of Honour on his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it, writing, "I don't consider that I have done anything which should be the reason for any award, Congressional or otherwise."As president he paid for all of his own travel expenses and food.Modern politicians have found a new level of success in cashing in on the Presidency, resulting in untold wealth. Today, many in Congress also have found a way to become quite wealthy while enjoying the fruits of their offices. Political offices are now for sale. (sic. Illinois )Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed, "My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!I say dig him up and clone him!!

Piece of advice for the week is from Wolverine: “‘Don’t eat the Yellow snow”

Quote for the week comes from Player 24: “If God had wanted man to play soccer, he wouldn't have given us arms."

Here are also a few puns that I thought you may enjoy

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Have a great week

Ciao The Village Idiot